I'm too poor to afford the love of my parents.

This was written by me when I was at my lowest, hearing things that were breaking me apart, trying to ignore the voice in my head telling me to run away, to kill the body who's soul is in deep pain (mine)

A little girl in me asked me, "Why is it so hard to choose between mother and father? Why can't we have both?"

Her words shattered my heart and brought tears to my eyes. How can someone so young face such a painful decision?

Why?

I'm too selfish to choose. I want them both, even though they hurt each other more every day. The thought of how broken my family has become terrifies me. How can I possibly decide?

What should I do when they both make me happy, yet their togetherness only brings destruction, leaving me stranded in the ruins of their conflict?

Can't I be selfish and have both?

Why do others get to enjoy the love of both parents while I can't? It feels unbearable. Some days, listening to my mother, I resent my father. Other days, hearing my father, I feel bitterness toward my mother. Sometimes, I resent them both. Other times, I long for the comfort of their love.

He stayed silent. Even though I knew both were wrong. I chose to support my mother, thinking she needed me more. But deep inside, I knew my father needed someone too. How could I reach out to him, knowing the anger I still held inside?

I love them both. I want them both. Yet I can't have them.

Now I realize love comes with a price, and I'm too poor to afford both their love at the same time.

They'll never understand me, the child caught in the middle, forced to pick sides. Will they ever see the child within me?

I wish I could have both their love, but I'm forever envious of those who can.

Can I change my destiny? Every moment of happiness has always ended in hatred.

I'll always feel guilty for not cherishing what we once had.

I'll hate myself forever. But I swear, I will never choose a man like my father for my children, nor be a woman like my mother to raise them.

I wish things could be changed and I could tell them that how much it breaks me to see them like this, I wish I could tell the world that I'm rich....

Would you like to share your story, which is as much heartbreaking it is yet it completes the way you see the world from then onwards..?