Men don’t realize that using girl or woman as an insult is degrading to women

“Take it like a man!”

”You fight/run/throw like a girl!”

”Stop acting like a woman!”

”Quit complaining and be a man!”

”Don’t be such a girl!”

Heard any of these before? Sadly, we all have. Plenty of men will say that using the word girl or woman as an insult is apparently not an insult to girls and women but instead to boys and men. They claim that using these insults works only for boys and men because they refuse to associate themselves as girls or women.

I call bullshit on that. Girls and women are human beings too and are just as capable as boys and men. From a woman’s perspective, when we hear this kind of language, we would obviously feel hurt and ashamed. Boys and men fail to realize that just because an insult isn’t intentionally directed at us, it still feels like a punch in the face because being female is what we identify and were born as.

As a woman myself, I hear these insults all the time, especially when I reached an impressionable age where I struggled to identify myself and couldn’t figure why I felt hurt. I remember my dad and I went go-kart racing last vacation and after I beat him, he replied “not too bad for a girl”.

I replied “you’re just mad that I beat you”. Then dad started mansplaining to me that apparently women are worse drivers than men. I replied “if women are worse drivers, why are most car accidents caused by men?”. Dad replied “you’re a woman, you can’t take a joke”.

I sarcastically replied “ooh, you’re so smart for a man”. Dad gloated at me and gave me a thumbs up, not understanding my sarcasm. I corrected him saying “uh, no, men are dumber than women”. He thought I was joking and gave me a thumbs down. I told him he can disagree all he likes but he knows it’s true. He replied “if we’re stupid, then why are we taking you places?”.

Dad was always trying to put himself on a pedestal by putting women below him and would often bring up their personal vulnerabilities to make them look bad. He did this a lot with me as he knows I can’t drive even though I’m old enough to get a driver’s license. I tend to avoid practicing driving because my state said I’m not allowed to drive alone without a license and the only people I have to train me are my parents, who are both hell to put up with because they would scream at me and annoy me for every little thing and every little mistake I make.

I was crying for the whole night and my dad refused to understand why. He thought I couldn’t take a joke because apparently that’s how women are.

When young girls are growing up and exposed to this kind of discriminatory behavior, they will question themselves and wonder “what does that even mean?”. When they dare to ask why, they will be told that doing something or acting like a girl or woman represents weakness, stupidity, and uselessness. From realizing what society is teaching us, our confidence and self-worth plummets and begin loathing ourselves for who we are.

Meanwhile boys are taught that anything associated with femininity or girly-ness or being a girl in general is bad, because since they’re boys and not girls, they have to do things that are considered “manly”, hence why using terms like “take it like a man”, “grow a pair”, “man up” and many more are perceived as positive traits.

This is where the term toxic masculinity comes in. Toxic masculinity is when you strongly favor masculinity all while demonizing anything feminine or girly, or any association with the female sex. It can also harm boys and men by telling them that if they don’t do these stereotypical masculine things, they’re not “real men”.

Not only that but using these insults is also transphobic. It harms boys and men who are under the process of transitioning into girls and women and further understanding their gender identity by telling them that transitioning will make them weak and lesser.

When someone is told “you X like a girl/woman” or “don’t be such a girl/woman”, it does far more harm than good. It excuses gender discrimination, telling both cis and trans women that because we are female, we are lesser than males. Why is it that just because we’re girls and not boys, we have to be underestimated? Do we not have muscles and reflexes? Do we not have bones and organs inside our bodies that keep us alive and functioning? Do we not have impressionable minds that make use on what or how we identify ourselves?

This mindset reminds me of the song “According to You” by Orithani. Let me give you some of the lyrics to better understand what I’m talking about:

”According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless,

I can’t do anything right.

According to you, I’m difficult, hard to please,

Always changing my mind. …

I’m the girl with the worst attention span,

You’re the boy who puts up with that,

According to you, According to you.

But according to him, I’m beautiful, incredible,

He can’t get me out of his head.

According to him, I’m funny, irresistible,

Everything he ever wanted.

Everything is opposite, I don’t feel like stopping,

Baby tell me what I got to lose.

He’s into me for everything I’m not, according to you.

Need to feel appreciated, loved not hated, oh no,

Why can’t you see me through his eyes?

It’s too bad you’re making me decide.”

We run like girls, talk like girls, hit like girls, throw like girls, eat like girls, sleep like girls, let alone breathe like girls, because we ARE girls. We are women and nothing is going to change that.

The next time someone says this “insult” to you, tell them “stop being such a boy/man, a boy/man who is so insecure he has to degrade girls and women just so he’ll feel better about himself! Take it like a woman, grow a vulva, keep fighting like a woman! Fight like a woman/girl and you’ll be better than over half of the men out there!”