| I want to be Loved

I hear these words often from women and I have agonized these words countless times in the past.

 

As I write, I heave deep and light, so much has shifted in my experience of life.

“I want to be loved.”

These days I have been asking

“What do you mean when you say “I want to be loved”?

“If you are being loved, then tell me in as much details as possible “how will you be loved?”

“Who wants to be loved?”

 

Most of these questions startle women and men because most of us have no clarity on what we mean when we say “I want to be loved”.

 

I am loved and this is a space where I am dwelling in for weeks now. There is no lack of love, support and people in my life.

Yet countless times, I have uttered these words, “I want to be loved. I fear that will never be loved in my life.”

 

What flows next is an invitation, take the words with a pinch of salt and it is only up to you to sense what is true for you:

When we live in constant trigger, our living is invested in surviving. We protect instead of connect.

When we protect, then regardless of love, people, support supporting and pouring onto us, we are in most instances numbed to it all.

 

Most of us are not aware of our living in constant trigger. Most of us are not even aware that we are triggered everyday.

Some of us will get triggered by reading these words or through the sound of my voice.

 

When we are fighting to survive, what we identify as danger and fear usher along this sense of absence.

Absence of love. Absence of being loved.

The quality of absence is deeply experienced

Yet most of us are unable to even word “absence”.

In those moments when absence is experienced, it is as real as our breaths.

Unless until this absence is held, acknowledged and honored, most of us keep wiggling in pain.

 

Seeing and acknowledging this sense and experience of absence, not just in this moment but expanding across generations and time.

We have all experienced absence of some form. We carry forth these absences through numbed fragmented parts of our selves, that are kept away so we may keep surviving.

 

Absence of our own selves. Absence of our parts of our authentic self.

 

It takes an internal and an external environment of compassion, kindness and no pressure to meet and be met in absence.

There is deep opening to presence in absence.

I invite you to pause and breathe.

Inhale. Exhale

 

We are “us”. Within our “us” dwell our ancestry, our parents, our grandparents, all those who came before us. Within my fragmented authentic selves, I meet my parents, I meet my grandparents, I meet all those who came before me. I meet and I am being met.

 

Most of us are unable to contain and hold this sense of absence, this void. We rush around and it does not help us in our overwhelming. The overwhelming deepens and the rush to cope and fix it or numb it or bypass it or however, whatever we choose to do, does not support us in the long term.

 

I invite you to pause and breathe.

Inhale. Exhale

Deepen your exhalation

 

Ask,

Whose absence am I experiencing?

What is absent from my life?

Who have I numbed so I could survive?

 

Inhale. Exhale

Deepen your exhalation

 

Maybe something is showing up for you.

A movement | a person| a face| a voice| a memory

 

Or maybe this space is already too much for you to dwell in.

Or maybe like me, your mind is battling with what your body senses as right.

 

I want to be loved.

I sense that within this “I want to be loved” is in truth, the kick of my authentic selves whispering to be met, whispering to own their rightful place, whispering so I become present to the absence of “what is” and through this absence I am gifted this meeting of me and my selves.

 

Unless until this meeting happens, we agonize seeking and longing for love. An agony that no partner, no work, no spiritual practice can fill up until we pause long enough to meet and be met in this absence of “what is”.

 

Love from my heart to yours

Love from my womb to you

Love from my body to yours

Love from my nervous system to yours

 

#MeghaVenketasamy #Coach #CircleFacilitator

 

Song and Lyrics, “I am Enough” by Beautiful Chorus

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