1 + 1 = 1

My long time speciality in the area of Human Rights is non-violence programs and peace negotiations of all kinds. I call it Peace Quest. In talking with my dear World Pluse friend Nusrat Ara, at her suggestion I will share some thoughts I shared with her. As always, please feel free to comment and suggest.

The primary cause of any kind of violence from domestic to war is the concept of Power Over. This starts, in my opinion, with the concepts of Unconditional Love and Conditional Love. Unconditional Love says: "I WILL love you as long as You behave the way I WANT you to and you say the things I want to hear. If you don't behave the way I want you to when I want you to, I will punish you." Unconditional Love is NOT love at all. It is, in fact, the highest form of abuse. Conditional Love, on the other hand, says: "I love you NOW just because you are human like me. Now I may not approve of all of your behavior and I may not agree with everything you say, but if I have a problem with that I will take care of it myself. I am Totally 100% responsible for my own thoughts, feelings and actions. No one can "make" me angry or sad or happy or anything else unless I "chose" or "give them permission" to do that. (A long time ago in the process of illness recovery, I made a life goal for myself: Total inner peace and unreasonable happiness. Getting closer. Still working on it.)

Who Owns the Problem?: If I do something and my husbnad gets mad. Who owns the problem? The one who is upset. He owns the problem and it is up to him to deal with his own feelings and attitudes - NOT BY VIOLENCE against me or anyone else! And vice versa, if I get upset then I own the problem and it is up to me to deal with my own feelings.

What I have learned by living and using this information is that I no longer have any investment in being "right" about anything. Therefore, I have no interest in making anyone "wrong." (Having to be "right" thus making you "wrong" means that I am "righter" than you and thus I am better than you.) That's how wars get started.

1 + 1 = 1. We are all here doing the best we can in every given minute - whatever that looks like. I believe compassion and tolerance and Conditional Love is the key.What do you think?