A daughter can’t be a son….

My mother’s daughter was a son for my uncle and aunt. I……. I was their son until they gave birth to their own son about two years ago. In a typical Nepalese society, how can a family be completed without a son? My aunt had two beautiful and talented daughters, but still they were not enough for the stern society. I had been wry when my aunt was pregnant in spite of her poor health condition because my uncle incessantly used to speak against the gender discrimination. However, now they needed a son who would help them to nurture their property in the future. What a fortune my two sisters have brought! Not only this family, but also my parents had a son after two daughters. What a fortune of us…daughters!

My aunt had a complication at her second delivery. The doctor then had restricted her not to give the next birth, but the necessity and desire to have a son killed the fright of that danger. Then I feel how did I dare to tell myself their son? How can I ever be a son of someone when I am born a female in this world? My uncle and aunt would often lapse my thoughts into uncertainty asking me what I will do after my marriage. I wanted to hold their hands, but there were qualms about my words. I don’t blame them though because the birth of this son was definitely more necessity than desire. I had seen their necessity - there would be discussions in functions and celebrations mostly about their not having a son. Whenever the relatives congregated, they would point out the lacking of son in their family. They would share some stories like fearful death of old lonely people because of not having a son, and most of the time they would make up the stories to encourage them to give birth to a son.

I tried to fulfill the absence of a son in my aunt and uncle’s life. I used to tell them I will burn your corpses, and I will look after you but they would end those words with “……..but you are a girl” locking up my mouth. I know a daughter can’t be a son but can’t a girl hold her parent’s hands? I want to hold their hands, why don’t they give a chance? Should I yell at them...believe me?