AM I LOST??

ÈAm I lost ? Or who am I

The memories I have of my mom where the day she told me we where going to spend the holidays at my grandpa's place and that we would go to my dad's place after returning back from grandpa's house

I was very happy and in the blink of an eye we where in Edo state, Nigeria

I remember how my step grandma refused us from eating her food that very night we got there

I remember how I slept hungry that night and how my step grandma daughter had to steal from the pot for me to eat the following morning

Few days later everything changed, my mom laying helplessly on the mat seriously ill

Everybody treated her like trash , nobody could go close to her , as if she was smelling

And one day I was asked to go ask her what she would eat, because I was the only one going close to her because she's my mom

And there I was a little child of about 6 with no sense at all, taping her and asking her what she would eat

But I got no answer in response, I added volume to my voice In asking because I felt she didn't hear me

But the next minute she was already vomiting whitish foam from her mouth

Afraid I shouted, grandma my mommy is not talking, and they came and took me out from the room and locked the door

A child I was , didn't think about my mom being in trouble because I was told she was sleeping

It was midnight I was woken up from sleep, remembered I started crying and was taken to a dark corner,

They took my hand , used it to park sand and throw in a pit and that was it

That was when I last saw or heard the voice of my mom

Life was though after then, I and my 2 years old brother would be beaten mercilessly for peeing on the bed

Sometimes my step grandma would starve us so we could stop peeing on the bed at night

To us having to sleep on mear floor, to her asking me to pee on the fire every night before I sleep and lot's more

Not long after my younger brother died after been locked up in a room , without food nor water

I was still a child, I would always ask myself where my mom and younger brother went

That's how my life became a nightmare, from being maltreated by my step grandma to been molested by her 3rd son

Afraid of speaking because I would be beaten mercilessly, I couldn't tell no one of what I was going through

At a point I became a very popular orphan in the community back then, people would dash me food and that was how I survived

I remembered the first day I saw my menstrual cycle, I was beaten mercilessly and accused of having sex at an early Age

I was different from the kids around, I had no friends, could not go out and play like every other child and any day I hide to go play I would be beaten and accused of going out to met with men

At age 14 my grandpa died, the day he died I cried because I know the greater hell that waits me

And after the burial, I would go to farm all by myself to uproot casava, while her children are at home

I would cook and most of the time ended up not eating the food, would hawk casava pudding before going to school in the morning

Sometimes I go to school very late, most exam time's I would go to school after student's must have written a paper or two

Most of my age mate, some would laugh at me while some encourage me

And 3 year's have gone by since my grandpa died, my step grandma everyday became my worstest nightmare

Until one day , she warned me not to eat her food, not to touch or use any of her belongings

I beg her for days yet she stood by her word's she was my guardian and asking me to not touch or use any of her thing's means, she wishes for me to die

After day's of starvation and crying, I chose to be Alive

I decided I was to leave the house, and be an adult for myself, and that's how I begin a journey which I have yet to finish