"Between Two Worlds: The unseen burden of feeling like a Liability."

I sit on the edge of the bed, the weight of silence crushing me. The room feels smaller, suffocating as if the wall themselves are closing on my shame. My family laughter echoes faintly from the living room, but instead of joy, it pierces me with guilt. The feeling that i should be out there with them. BUT WHAT TO DO?

And then there is me who carries the world on her shoulder with a grace that i can't comprehend. The exhaustion i try to hide, every decision i try to take makes me alone - its the silent reminder that i am not the partner he deserves. I want to tell him I'm sorry, but the words choke me. How many times can a women apologize i dont know.

This feeling wasn't new. Living in my fathers house i was reminded in quiet moments - sometimes with words, other times with silence - that i was a weight he carried. A daughter who didn't live up to the dream. And now the echoes of my husbands unspoken same truth haunts me. Whether its my siblings sigh or a husbands glance, the message feels the same. "You are disgrace. You're a liability."

It's so easy for them to say. "You're over thinking it." But do they ever stop to think about what i go through ? To live everyday questioning your worth, feeling like a failure no matter which side you stand on ? Do they know what it's like to feel invisible and yet so painfully exposed at the same time ?

Somedays, i wonder if they'd be better off without me. May be the burden i bring is heavier then the love i offer.

" living as a shadow in the lives of others, whether under a father's roof or beside a husband, is a burden words can't carry - but the hardest part is not their judgment, it's the battle within, to prove to my self that I am more than just a liability."