Beyond Bias: How Misogyny Affects Women’s Bodies, Minds, and Souls

A few days ago when I just joined the World Pulse community, one of the first stories I read opened my eyes to a concept I was actually living, but wasn't aware it was a very pertinent issue. It was a story from Linda in Nigeria, a midwifery student who observed, during her internship, how a woman's pain was being dismissed by a male doctor. She used the term “Medical Misogyny" and immediately I read that term, I felt as if I had unlocked a secret door in my brain and new knowledge and intelligence was rushing out of the compartment. “How is it that despite all the horrible experiences I've had, I've never looked at it in this light?” I wondered.

My partner has hardly/never experienced the pain of pelvic cramps due to multiple fibroids, that's why he’d think I was pretending when I said I wouldn't be able to make dinner, or go to their family meeting or have sex with him because of the pain. That's why he’d permit that I stay home alone after a fibroid removal surgery, tending to the animals and the house, cooking for myself and going to work (because I have to feed), but at the same time expecting me to travel miles to his village on a difficult terrain and travel conditions a month later, for his grand mother's funeral. My pain didn't matter, only what he thought and wanted mattered because i’m just a woman. He didn't understand why I said I was too tired for sex after a long day at work, then coming back to prepare dinner why he lay on the couch watching TV. After all, why should i get tired when I am just a woman whose role is to take care of all the house work, contribute financially to the home and sexually satisfy my husband with no complaints. Why would I cut my hair when he likes seeing me with long hair - even though I have always loved to have short hair? Of course, he has never experienced the feeling of struggling to scratch your scalp in braids, or the long hours of pain you go through while getting your hair done, or the discomfort you feel when trying to adjust your long braids while trying to catch some sleep.Yes! Physical misogyny is a thing.

Do you want me to mention the times when, at the end of most arguments, I always found myself wondering if I was certain of bringing up the issue. “was it worth being offended over?” “what if I’m actually the problem like he said?” “Maybe I’m overreacting”... and the list of questions is endless. At the end of the day, I felt worthless, with more doubts about myself and my worth/value. My opinions mostly didn't count. Rather, bringing up my opinion to matters gave me the title of an unsubmissive and difficult wife. What about the times when I would be accused for getting angry for something he did? “Would other women actually get angry if their partners did the same thing?”,would be the question in my mind that got me into doubting myself more - and you say this isn't Emotional Misogyny?

“No! You have to change your denomination. Stop believing all the Christian doctrine you got from your denomination since birth, and come re-learn mine, get baptized again in my own way because your baptism was null ... .just because you are now married to me.” As a woman, you lose your spiritual identity and blend into the man's beliefs. Nothing changes in the man. Why does this sound like spiritual Misogyny?

What about when I went to the bank for a loan and was told that my husband needs to sign before I can be awarded the loan; even when his name is nowhere near my business! I don't know about you, but from my experience, I haven't seen where a man is told his wife needs to sign before his loan can be approved. I received salary for a job I did by myself with the knowledge gained from the education that my family gave me, and he was angry and gave me silent treatment for a week, because I didn't bring the money to him ‘let's discuss’ how we are going to use the money. Meanwhile, I have never known how much he has in his account or how he uses his money. By now, I guess you're already thinking of the term “Financial Misogyny”.

Ladies, let's face the fact; we live in a misogynistic world and though the fight for women's voices to be heard gets fiercer by the day, the cold hard reality continues to stare us in the face with one loud question: WILL THE STATUSQUO EVER CHANGE?