Dear Mothers, Over-sacrifices could be dangerous

In memory of the fallen Mbuki

In 2016, my mom, while visiting a friend in the hospital, came across a lonely, sick child. There was no one there to see him. She got curious and inquired from the friend what the child’s story was like. The answers were devastating. He hardly had visitors.

Curious to hear from him, she went to his bed and got talking, and the revelation was everything sad. The teenage boy lost his mother to severe TB. Years earlier the mother fell ill and the diagnosis showed she was suffering from severe TB, but due to lack of finances(all she had she used to get food for her kids and painkillers to ease her pain) she didn’t get the proper medical attention she needed, her husband wasn’t helping matters as he was an absent father and husband. Mbuki, being the eldest yet young to handle such a medical case, went on to take care of the mother, yet unguided, which was risky for his health, as it was a communicable disease. He tried his best, but she died due to the severity of the disease.

Shortly after burying her, the father took in a second wife. It was hell from day one, and soon they eloped to their maternal home, thinking it was their safe place. Their grandmother loved them, but love was all she had to offer. He was well behaved, and he would get help from the villagers from time to time. Shortly, his uncle became irritated by their presence and would tell them to follow their mother, but the grandmother stood her ground, though she had nothing to offer that was their home.

Due to Mbuki’s lack of proper information on handling her mother’s case, he got infected with TB, it ate his system. While at school, he was isolated by kids assuming he was suffering from HIV/AIDs, he never had anyone to play with. Soon, the severity of his disease took a toll on him, and a curious teacher got interested in him, and it was then that his health journey began. The teachers would help to raise funds to pay for the hospital bills and medication, but due to the nature of their work, they could not afford to visit him daily, though they asked a hospital worker to check up on him.

God had his plans and placed my mother in his path, and he was able to get better feeding, love, and care just like any other child, he loved my mother so much that he had crammed her number, and any time he got admitted we would take turns to go check up on him. Sadly, his case was so severe that he was bent around his back, and his system was failing. He was an intelligent boy whose dream was to become a doctor and save lives. The last time I saw him, I broke down when he complained that his sickness struck him when he was about to sit for his exams, and that time he requested he sit for his exams from the hospital bed, but the kind of medication he was having at the time didn’t allow him.

Shortly, our lovely Mbuki was referred to a better hospital. His lungs had become so weak and he needed to be in the ICU, he fought that I was so certain because his desire to live up to his dreams was all over him but in the year 2017 he lost the battle and rested, aged 17 years with a robbed childhood kid experience, rejection and frustration from those meant to protect him.

Dear mothers, choose yourselves always because you can never pour from an empty cup. As for motherhood, do not overdo it and forget that you need the attention and care to be sober to take care of your family. Over-sacrificing yourself is dangerous to yourself and your family; you could lose your life while trying to make others and in the end, leave them to a ruthless world that hardly understands their needs. Do motherhood with love, but don’t burn while at it. Get the proper medication, take rest, and just live for once because the influence of a good mother lives on for generations and the absence still aches for decades, a wound that can never be healed and one that can take an offspring down.

As for helpless marriages where your presence is ignored, walk away while you still have the time. Staying for the kids could cause regret or suffering. Whether you stay or leave, society will have something to say, but choosing to leave will have you at peace if things can’t be solved.

To the stepmother, never let a kid cry, or sleep hungry just because they ain’t yours, they are vulnerable and at your mercy, relight the light in their life or illuminate it, but never send more darkness their way, they don’t deserve cruelty as they are victims of nature. Nurture them and give them hope that the end can be the beginning of something better.

To the well-wishers, if God gives you enough to show kindness, some are dependent on that for a breakthrough in life. Do it in your might, expecting nothing in return, because a good act births another, and humanity is restored. Kindness can transform a life and inform the future. A broken heart could end in death, it can never be stitched together, so don't add to the hurt.