DON’T ENVY ME!!

DON’T ENVY ME!

You may see the smiles now—but let me tell you what you didn’t see.😇

You didn’t see:

MY PARENTS PRAYING INDEFATIGABLY FOR ME

🌹All this while, my retired parents have been holding me up with their endless prayers and their quiet generosity—caring for my cubs when they should be resting, not parenting all over again.❤️‍🔥😭😭😭😭

And let’s not even talk about:

ONLINE PARENTING MY CUBS

• The heartache of missing my Cubs 💔 

• The art of online parenting—kissing foreheads through screens, disciplining through shouting over the phone and through emojis 😭

• The WhatsApp Video calls I ended with a smile, then I burst into loud cries and silent sobs, parenting from a cloud of sacrifice😭❤️

MY CUBS BEING DENIED VISAS TWICE ❤️‍🩹

One of my deepest pains is my Cubs being denied visas to join me in the UK. The reason given was that their deadbeat father is caring for them in Kenya — yet he lives here in the UK with a new family he chose, completely abandoning his own children.

He shunned his own sons, offering no emotional or financial support, but the system still accepted that false claim.😏

I’ve spoken about the ache of mothering from afar, working tirelessly for a future we’re not yet allowed to live together.🥹

And I’ve made it clear — I will never stop fighting for our reunion. They deserve so much more!💪

MY RAGE ON PAGES

• The countless times I took my rage to the page—massacring notebooks and pens on public benches, while the wind slapped my face and the rain mocked my tears

• Writing like a woman possessed, chasing sanity in scribbles as thunder rolled and benches creaked beneath my frozen bones

Then there WAS

HUNGER

• The fasting days—some Holy, others sponsored by “Nothing In The Fridge Inc.” 🤤 

• From fridges that looked like museum exhibits titled “The Ice Age,” to standing in FoodBank queues—I’ve known hunger in all its forms. 😵

ISOLATION

• The “Where is everyone?” moment—when the music stopped when the struggle began.

• Friends vanished faster than airtime when poverty rang the bell 🔔 

FINANCIAL CONSTRAINTS

• The fasting days—some Holy, others sponsored by “Nothing In The Fridge Inc.”

• The mountain of debts—rent, bills, favours, survival—stacking like Tetris blocks with no way to clear the screen 

• Negative bank balances that giggled before I could even cry 😭 

NO RENT

• The nights my cubs and I slept in the car after housing agents padlocked the house over unpaid rent. 🔐 

NO FUEL ! TOOK PUBLIC TRANSPORT

• The many times the petrol finished mid-journey, and I sat there holding a jerrycan—hope in one hand, empty bank account in the other.🇯🇪

• Buses that saw me so often, the drivers gave me side-eye like I was using too much fuel ⛽️ 

DISCRIMINATION AND RACISM

• People with unearned privilege who stared like I’d wandered onto their Monopoly board

• And the whispers and sneers from the entitled club—who think resilience comes with a promo code👩‍💻 

Let us not even imagine:

BEING OUT IN THE WINTER

• The winter that I found warmth in a long-distance bus—not for the destination, BUT because the engine was warmer and kinder than the family whom I had lived with for a while, and who wouldn’t open the door for me that day.🥶

• Buses that doubled as my second bed in terms of warmth in winter!❄️ 

And you definitely didn’t see:

TOUGH WORKING CONDITIONS 

• ⁠The oppressive work conditions that nearly broke my mind—where I smiled while silently unraveling, and almost lost myself to madness in the name of survival.😇

• ⁠The unceremonious firing—no warning, no respect, just “Wish you well in your future endeavours” and a dead phone line📞📴

UNEMPLOYMENT 

• Waking up unemployed, mouths to feed, and nothing in the pantry but panic 🍞 

MY JADED MASK

• Public toilet tears I wiped away just to keep up the mask

• Fake smiles and “I’m fine” lies, while screaming for help in silence 😷 

NO FEES FOR MY LAST SEMESTER AT THE UNIVERSITY:

• Amid it all, I threw myself into books—devouring chapters, scribbling notes, racing against deadlines—while having no idea where the next coin for my final semester’s fees would come from. I was clinging to my education by the thinnest thread. 📖 

• But God placed people with a human face in my path—lecturers and administrators who saw past the unpaid balance and saw my potential. ❤️‍🔥

• Though I had only one semester left and no money to show for it, they let me sit the exams—and pay later. Unheard of, but it happned to me.

University of Nairobi (SOJ) can bear me witness. That grace carried me. That kindness kept my dream breathing. 💯

NO SLEEP

👵 There were only long nights and longer days—doing whatever work came my way, even the humbling kind, like wiping a CREASED BUM just to earn a pound. 👴

NO PARTNER TO DO LIFE WITH

• Choosing to prioritise my cubs over romantic relationships, often ending them before they could fully begin.

• The cold, empty bed that knew my pain better than anyone

• The sexual starvation so real, I nearly proposed to my hot water bottle but I had to focus and prioritise other needs!

But still, I showed up.

Tired. Broke. Hungry.

Prayed up. Fasted out.

Parenting over Wi-Fi. Dreaming in fragments.

But I showed up. 🤔

And I’m still here.😊

So no—DON’T ENVY ME .

Applaud softly. Respect loudly.

Pray hard. And if you’ve got spare change or snacks—I’ll take both. 💯

❤️And IF HE’s TALL, GODLY, EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE,  INTELLECTUALLY STABLE, FINANCIALLY ABLE, WANTS ANOTHER CHILD & CAN COOK — PLEASE SEND HIM MY WAY TOO.😍🤩❤️🌹

😃😃This SMILE has been paved with pain, poverty, perseverance, petrol fumes, and a ridiculous number of bounced debit card beeps.😵‍💫

Please charter your waters and DON’T ENVY MINE!!!💪✨

#WacukaKabute

#KirinyagaTigresa

#MamaCubs