Elise, the Hero of her own story

Growing up, I had very few friends who still lived close to my childhood summer home. Our bond began in the church choir and was cemented when I became the godmother to my friend Elise's (not her real name) firstborn daughter. She was older than me and the smallest among us - barely 5 feet, but her voice was the strongest. She could belt out songs by Mariah Carey or Linda Ronstadt as if she were singing in the shower; we are Karaoke nation for nothing. I've always admired her for that.

As her family grew, the rest of us moved on with our lives, but Elise stayed in the village. I would visit home for at most four weeks, but this time, I was staying indefinitely, which gave us the chance to reconnect and catch up on old stories. Her life, I found, was so much more exciting and relatable than mine—like hearing gossip directly from the source. My story, by contrast, is one most people would gloss over and lose interest in after five minutes.

I admire Elise more than anyone I know. Her life has been colorful and, in her telling, filled with humor, but I know her story will resonate deeply with many strong women.

She married the first guy who showed interest in her, found her cute, and courted her. In a country that pressures women to marry by the time they're 25, she made a choice. Life seemed simple; everyone was happy. I was part of her entourage, and my parents were their wedding godparents. She was pregnant immediately after the marriage, and we celebrated the birth of her first child. The next thing I knew, she was pregnant for the seventh time and expecting twins. Her body, already paper-thin, was put in grave danger, and I even threatened to disown her if she didn't stop when I lent her money, out of love. They had no money, her husband wasn't earning enough, and her complicated pregnancy required more care than usual. Back then, the Philippines' health system was harsh for people with low incomes; women shared beds, and if you couldn't pay for medication, you were barely looked at. To this day, it hasn't changed much, but Elise’s children are older now, and only one of the twins made it, leaving her with seven children.

Her marriage was not without problems. Her husband became a drug addict and was jailed for three years. He never recovered and was unable to become the breadwinner he was meant to be. He was reduced to looking after his grandchildren, but no longer lives with the family. Elise kicked him out when he started harassing her at her workplace and became irrationally jealous. During the COVID pandemic, when it happened, she finally found the strength to kick him out. I was amazed by her courage. She scared him off so effectively that he has never set foot in her house again unless she is not home. That tiny lady was never afraid, even when friends were scared he could hurt or even kill her, like the stories you hear in the news.

She knew her husband too well to ignore her friends' pleas. The courage she found came from her profound love for her kids, and their shared understanding. She was a dutiful wife and mother during her husband's time in jail; she would bring all the kids to visit him, and spend money they had little of. His prison money was used to bribe guards when needed because the family loves him. Elise, meanwhile, would do menial work to earn her own spending money. During that same period, she was offered a job as a community health worker in our local village, and she has remained in that position ever since. She discovered that she excels at it, and she loves it.

Now, we hang out often. She recently celebrated her entry into retirement, although she has the option to continue working as long as she wants or as long as the council needs her. Her life story proves that you can choose to be the hero in your own life, rather than a victim. Elise may be small in stature, but she is huge in life and love. Her life has always revolved around her kids, and they have returned her love by looking after her and letting her live her own life.

The village truly looks out for you, as they have looked out for her and her children. It is a philosophy that highlights the fundamental human need for community.

Elise is not shy about admitting that her situation was bad and that she needed help; and help she got—from friends. This doesn't happen for all women; too often, people in their lives abandon them when it gets hard, leaving them to lose the battle. Or there is no village to depend on.

We should continue to look out for one another; we are stronger together, and our stories will resonate with everyone, strengthening us to be part of each other's village. I am telling a hero story because I want others to know that we have these women in our lives. Her circumstances may be different, or your situation may not be the same as Elise's, but you know that you can also change your situation and become the hero you deserve to be in your own life and the lives of the people around you.