Hope and Faith

I was excited and expecting. After a few weeks, I no longer felt excited nor happy just bloated. No one would listen to me. At various occasions I tried to express how I felt. Every time my voice fell on deaf ears. It was my first time so I was inexperience. The only hope for me was my faith in God to keep me safe and not to rot me inside. Weeks slowing passed then months passed, my anxiety, fear, frustration, uncertainty and sadness increased. One day I was questioned “When are you going to prepare?” I thought for a while and answered in the most traditional and cruel manner “I will prepare after the outcome”. This kept my people from asking me more.

For months I was repeatedly accused of insensitivity. This is when I became silent. I could not believe the ignorance nor the arrogance of the doctor. It was harder to see that my own people would not listen to me and would not let me seek another doctor's opinion. Not listening to me was nothing new. Yet, this particular time as I realised the grave danger I was in I got scared. I just hoped things to turn OK. I prayed to God to keep me safe and at times I wished for death and prayed for death too No one cared for me. It was long lonely months.

One day I started to bleed slowly and slightly. The doctor could still feel and see through the scanning machine the life which I could not. What can I feel? I am the insensitive devil. I was put to bed rest, expensive medication was ordered and I had to take them too. I felt nothing the doctor could. God has made the final decision. The bleeding got heaver would not stop and then the doctor announced a natural miscarriage. Any stupid fool could have known that as it was apparent. When the evidence was out my people were shocked to see that after only a few weeks the foetus had died.

I suffered alienation and humiliation from my own people for nearly eight months. Then my people talked about how miraculous it was that my womb did not get infected and I was lucky to survive. I kept silent. There was nothing to say. It was unjust. I vowed to my-self never to tell them.