I love You

I love you

To all the women who have been raped or sexually molested

Allow me to share with you how you can heal yourself. The effects are wide and varied and can last a lifetime but they can be alleviated. The primary effect this will have on you is that it totally shatters your self esteem. You may not even be aware of this, but by noticing your behaviour and becoming fully conscious of your actions, you will see where you are going wrong and can make changes for the better.

Practice affirmations - look in the mirror in the mornings when you wake up and before you go to bed at nights and tell yourself who you are, based on your ideal self. For example, I am talented, I am beautiful and so on, until you really believe it and are acting in like manner.

Feed the spirit. Join the nearest library or buy books on autobiographies of successful people who you admire, motivational books or self-help books on craft or skills that you are interested in. Find your passion. Avoid the trashy magazines and the negative news. If you have access to the internet, block all junk emails and only read those which uplift you. Subscribe to empowerment magazines such as www.selfgrowth.com. Listen to good music. It has a powerful influence.

Write a journal about what happened and how you felt and keep writing about your progress, your goals and what you are grateful for. If someone finds it and reads it, that’s O. K. Remember you have done nothing wrong.

Carry yourself with grace. When you walk in the streets, hold your head up high like a proud woman because you have nothing to be ashamed off. Dress cleanly and modestly. Clean your shoes, body, hair and teeth. Wear bright coloured comfortable clothing that accentuates your assets and comfortable shoes too, not to attract attention but to feel good about yourself. Keep your surroundings clean and neat and wear a smile, after all, it’s the most important thing that you will wear.

Make sure you are in the right company. Only spend time with friends who are very supportive. Seek out older and wiser people who can assist you, listen to you or give you advice, who do not wish to take advantage of you. Avoid people who put you down, even if they are family members.

Take good care of your health. Exercise and eat a balanced diet. Avoid overeating/binging, drugs, alcohol, or multiple partners. These only fill you up from outside and leave you feeling empty. They are only temporary. Don’t bang the furniture or appliances, you only end up bruising yourself. Decorate your home with cheerful colours and your favourite ornaments. Buy or send yourself flowers sometimes.

Meditate, pray, practice yoga or deep breathing exercises to stay in the present and to relax. Worrying only makes you wrinkled and look older than your years. Pamper yourself. Get (do) frequent massages, facials, manicures and pedicures. Take long hot baths. Eat at the best restaurants and have your favourite home-cooked meals as often as you wish. You are worth it.

Get as much education as you can to climb up the social ladder so that you can be financially independent. You are more vulnerable when you are unemployed. Develop a positive working attitude. Start your own business or get to work on time and do your best. You can get promoted. Women are astronauts, scientists and pilots. There is nothing that we can’t do. You deserve it.

When you go shopping, buy quality products that will last for a long time. Avoid the sales and buy only what you need.

Consider having children when your five senses are alert, especially your feelings, otherwise you might abuse them. Its difficult to be selfless if you are not nurturing yourself. You can experiment with pets or plants at first. You’ll know if you are ready if they thrive. If you choose not to have any, that’s O.K too.

Forgive those who hurt you. Write him/them a letter/s, call them on the telephone or say “I forgive you, (call his name if you know it) peace be with you”, aloud every time the memory comes up, until all the anger is gone. It’s more about you than it is about him/them.

Use putty/clay and beat the hell out of him/them.

If you have lost your authentic voice, join/start an organization in your community and speak up. Set firm limits. Say “Don’t touch me”, if men touch you at the workplace or anywhere. That is sexual harassment.

Cry if you feel like it, it is a natural part of the healing process. Remember to laugh too. Don’t give up on love, it really exist. Follow your intuition and you’ll know when the right person comes along. One day your soul will open and you’ll experience unspeakable joy.

Peace and love.

P.S.I chose not to focus on women in war or conflict areas because that would exclude so many women.
According to the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) in "The Case For Advancing Women in the Global Marketplace" - Snapshot of women worldwide:facts and figures", estimate, 1 in 5 women will become a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime.