Introducing myself and my journal: From The End Was Born My Beginning

About Me:
I am 43 years old! Born and raised in UK of Indian decent!
Born into abuses with all the excuses! I found out later in life it was actually Three Generational Female Abuse!
I've spent all my life being a Victim! No nurturing and emptiness and longing to be loved! I was 3-5 years old when I lost my innocence through molestation and other sexual abuses! From 5-21 my mother instead of protecting me used me as her target practise! Beatings, Swearing, Hating, Blaming, Over and Over again until I was numb! The neglect from my mother was more of a loss for me than the sexual abuse I encountered! All I ever wanted was for her to cradle me and tell me she loved me and that I did nothing wrong!
I finally stood strong and faught back and started writing! Below is my first piece of writing I did after meeting Olanike at Emerging Women New York 2014!
I am no longer a Victim! I am a Victor!
Thank you for listening!
Writing From Inside The Walls Of My Body!
Mother why do you not love me!
Why do you violate me!
You Bore Me!
I am you, from you!
Our blood is the same, we are connected through the umbilical! Yet You do not feel my pain, the pain you put upon me, in my cranial space, my veins, in my heart that craves your love and in my soul that is dying silently!
My whole being is but an empty canvas, longing for its creator to fill it with the hopes of a rainbow and yet Mother you only fill it with the Darkness of the gallows!
Playground talk but I couldn't walk the walk. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me"
The names hurt me more than the sticks and stones, they hurt me in all my zones.
Mother why do you not love me! I am you're child you are my mother and yet I am Motherless!

From Girl. Alive

My Passions:
Listening to music, dancing, loving, sharing, caring, helping and creating

My Challenges:
My Bulimia Recovery and loving myself, family and people from my past

My Vision for the Future:
To be powerful and strong and helping all my sisters around the world

My Areas of Expertise:
My Voice, public speaking, organizing, helping others without defeat or obstacles