Invest In Me

I would like to share the first time I found myself in a situation where I had to make a decision focused on myself.

This happened right after I had my first child. I was 20 years old at the time. Because of the pregnancy, my parents sent me to live with my son's father, and after he was born, about six months later, we managed to move to a house where just the three of us lived.

Perhaps it would be important to mention that I was completely unhappy in this relationship, and the fact that I had gone to live with my in-laws at the time only made things worse, contributing to the fact that my first experience with marriage and motherhood was horrible, completely horrible, leading me to postpartum depression.

After about seven months, my parents realized my situation and decided to help me and my family. After talking to me and my then-husband, they offered to pay rent for a house so we could build our family. Thanks to this help, we moved out, which brought me some comfort, but I was becoming increasingly depressed. I couldn’t take care of myself, my husband, or the child.

I was unhappy on every level. Besides the relationship, which started off completely wrong and was getting worse, I began to realize that my then-husband was having extramarital affairs. But I was so deep down and with a child to care for that I didn’t care about his infidelities.

This continued until someone came to me and said, "Tânia, if you’re not happy, you won’t be able to make others happy, much less your son."

That’s when I started to think about everything. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I saw how my marriage was destroyed and how it could ruin me even more than I already was and ruin my son's life.

But still, I didn’t have the courage to leave. I was afraid of my parents' reaction. I didn’t know where to go, and with a child in my arms. I didn’t have any income; I had barely finished high school.

Then I got a job in a clothing store. The salary was terrible, but it was a joy to be able to leave the house and earn some money. During this period, my then-husband and I, who couldn’t afford to pay for a babysitter, decided that it would be good for the little one to spend the week at his grandparents' house and stay with us on the weekends.

It worked, but I was still unhappy. None of it made sense to me. Then one day, when I came home from work, I found my son's father at home, in the bedroom, with another woman...

Well, I left there and went to my parents' house. But the reality is that at first, I felt responsible for it. That he cheated on me was my fault for not taking care of myself, not looking beautiful, and for not caring about him...

As I said, my parents had already noticed my situation. And after that night, my father sought me out to talk and understand what had happened. I clearly didn’t want to tell him, but he said he had noticed my condition and that if I wanted, I could return home.

But returning to my parents' house had its price. 

And perhaps it was the highest price I’ve ever paid for something in my life. I had to leave my son behind. When I returned home, the condition my father gave me was to leave my son at his paternal grandparents' house. 

My father thought this would be good for me to go back to school and continue with my life.

It wasn’t easy for me to make this decision and return to my parents' home without my son. Few people understood this. 

And I know that many mothers wouldn’t have made this choice. I was always judged for it. I was called selfish, and I even felt like less of a mother for this decision.

But given everything I was living through, at that moment, I thought it was the best thing I could do for myself and my son.

I did return to my parents' house without him.

In doing so, I went back to school and completed what I still had to finish in general education.

I took some courses (English, computer skills, and executive secretarial work) during this period until I was able to get into university;

I got my degree. And after that, I started working. While doing all this, I also did what I could to help with my son’s expenses at his grandparents' house. Expenses like clothes, hospital, and school were always my responsibility.

I can’t compare what I lost in terms of time with my son with what I gained during this period because they’re incomparable things. I know how important it is for a mother and child to be together. This made me suffer a lot, but it gave me a new chance at life, and today I am who I am.

I missed the first years of my son’s life because I wasn’t there every day. But thanks to the investment I made in myself, I was later able to reunite with my son and ensure I could offer him the best I could.

Since then, I’ve always been aware that, at times, I would have to take care of myself first to offer the best to others.