My Healing Journey

I was 21 when I met him. He was 38, from the USA. We met on Tinder, and at first, it felt like a dream. He was mature, spiritual, and spoke with purpose. I believed he had life figured out, and I felt drawn to his confidence. He knew what he wanted, and at the time, I thought I was what he wanted. We even started talking about the future, and it all felt so real, being in a long-distance relationship.

He told me I was special. He called me "Sweet Mercy", beautiful, and different. As a young woman, still figuring herself out, that kind of attention felt validating. But what I didn’t know was that slowly, I would begin to abandon pieces of myself just to hold on to what we had.

At first, it was little things that I wore, how I did my hair, how I spoke. Then it became about what I ate, who I spent time with, and what I believed in i was supposed to tell him my every move. He told me to stop boarding motorbikes because it wasn’t “safe.” He said I should always listen to him and follow his instructions because he's the man. When I didn’t agree or question anything, it became a fight, or worse, silent emotional punishment, which would break me.

He told me he believed in “constructive criticism.” But the way he criticised me made me feel small, unworthy, and invisible. Every time I tried to communicate how hurt I was, I was shut down. I wasn’t allowed to express my pain. If I got emotional, I was accused of overreacting. So I stayed quiet. I swallowed my voice because I thought silence would mean peace. It didn’t.

He told me to be productive and college was a waste of time, so I went back to sewing doormats an old craft I had paused to focus on my studies. I wasn’t even doing it for myself. I did it to please him. I thought maybe if I worked harder to be the version of a woman he approved of, he would see me truly see me and love me fully. But even then, it wasn’t enough.

He criticised the effort I put into my art. He dismissed my dream of studying food science and building a career. He said it didn’t align with his vision, so it wasn’t worth supporting. Yet, I supported his dreams without question. I stood by him, believed in him, and gave what I could. But when he asked me, “What do you even do for me?” I froze and ended up humbling myself by trying to prove my worth to him

I was a student, not earning, but I had given him my time, energy, and heart. I stood by him during hard times, loved him beyond his flaws, and believed in our future. Yet, in his eyes, that wasn't enough.

He reminded me that loyalty and beauty weren't enough. To keep him, I had to submit completely. He told me he couldn’t tolerate a woman who didn’t listen to him. So I shrunk. I bent over backwards to be obedient, agreeable, and pleasing. I became someone I didn’t recognise, someone who existed more for him than for myself.

He told me from the beginning that he was polygamous. I thought I could handle it, but when he actively sought another woman during our relationship, it broke something in me. We nearly broke up. But I stayed because I loved him, and I clung to the hope that he meant it when he said I was special.

Even after everything, I loved him more than I loved myself. I gave him the power to define my worth. And when he finally walked away, I felt like I had no identity left.

But in that silence, I began to hear my own voice again. I reflected on a lot and realised that I was draining myself. I lost touch with who I was. I realised that I had been emotionally manipulated, and I needed to break free from that, and that all was not lost. I bravely decided to let him go. I didn’t know that I would ever come to open up about it, but I felt like sharing this would inspire a lot of women out there going through something similar.

💛 I realised that I had spent so much time trying to be chosen that I forgot to choose myself.

Healing didn’t come overnight. It still doesn’t. But piece by piece, I’m returning to myself. I’m reclaiming the dreams I paused, the voice I silenced, and the dignity I handed over in the name of love.

To every woman reading this who’s ever lost herself for the sake of being loved, I want to say this:

You are not too much. You are not too little. You are not here to earn love by disappearing.

Love should never ask you to shrink. It should never ask you to abandon your dreams, your values, or your identity.

You are worthy of a love that celebrates who you are not one that conditions you to change to be enough.

Don’t let someone else’s inability to value you become the mirror you see yourself in.

You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to walk away. You’re allowed to grow in directions someone else can’t follow.

Today, I’m still healing. I’m not perfect, and I still have moments where the past echoes in my heart. But now, I’m walking toward the light of who I was always meant to be.

I choose myself. My peace. My passion. My purpose.

And I hope, deeply, that you will too.

As i was scrolling social media i came across World Pulse I looked at the website and saw it was a platform for enlightening women a piece of me leaped with joy for I knew that I would be seen, heard and empowered especially as a young woman who believes in strength of women iam glad and honoured to be a part of this community cause I know I'll not be alone in this path cause of the sisterhood that is in Mypulse that's why I decided to join.