My response to Shel Silverstein’s “The Ugliest Man In Town”

I’m pretty sure that almost every one of us has heard of Shel Silverstein. But I don’t think many of you have heard of what I believe is his most infamous: “The Ugliest Man In Town”, which he performed it in front of a live audience all the way back in 1965.

Keep that piece of information in mind. We’re going to get into some pretty nasty shit that’s bound to immediately get banned if it were released today.

Alright ladies, buckle up. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

”Handsome guys get girls that are pretty”

Ain’t pretty privilege a fucking bitch. And he never mentions any ugly women. Talk about objectification!

”Other guys make it 'cause they're clever and witty”

Does a woman ever to be ANY OF THAT to prove she’s equally human as a man?

”But the only love I ever got, I got out of pity,

'Cause I'm the ugliest guy in town.”

I don’t know any single woman that mocks an ugly man, so he doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

”Yeah, I drive down the road in a platinum car,

Use hundred dollar bills when I light my cigar,

But still an' all, you know, that won't get you very far

When you're the ugliest man in town.”

No shit, Sherlock! But it ain’t because you’re ugly. It’s because you’re a materialistic prick who puts his needs over everyone else’s!

”There was a note on the doorstep where I was found,

Is said, "This sweet child weighs eleven pounds,

So bring him up healthy and welthy and sound,

Keep his back to the light, don't let him turn around.”

Lol I highly doubt that shit ever happened! He sounds like a fucking neck beard always playing victim all while trying to hide the fact that he’s an inconsiderate asshole!

”Yeah, all you women, you're heartless and cold.”

And all you men are the reason why! And by “heartless and cold”, you actually mean we grew a spine and don’t put up with men’s bullshit.

You know what they say, behind every bitch, there’s a shitty man that made her that way.

”All you want is my silver and gold.”

Speak for yourself, you hypocritical fuck! And who the fuck says women only care about money? We don’t fucking care about your shit! Sounds like a you problem more than anything else.

“Say now, don't you know I've got a beautiful soul,

Though I'm the ugliest man in town?”

Oh sure, you’re totally a nice guy, aren’t you, even though you called us women heartless and cold? Beautiful soul, my ass! You are much worse on the inside and you’re proving it!

”Yeah, I'm so ugly, I shave in the dark”

So you admit you hate yourself?

”Kids start to cry when I walk through the park”

I wouldn’t be surprised either. Considering you’re a living nightmare, I can’t imagine ANYONE wanting to be around you!

”Clocks stop tickin' and dogs start to bark

Whenever I come around.”

You bluffin’, right?

”Yeah, I walk down the street and the girls all hiss me,

If I died tomorrow, not one of them would miss me.”

Ever wonder WHY women don’t like you? Do the fucking math!

”Only reason they ball me is they can't stand to kiss me.

I'm the ugliest man in town.”

Or maybe it’s because you’re so fucking desperate to fuck a woman and can’t take no for an answer! It’s no wonder us women don’t want to be near you!

Anyone who even dares to sing that dumpster fire they call a song deserves to be pelted with tomatoes and water bottles!