Not a War on Men, But a Quest for Identity: Rethinking Feminism

Is feminism really hating men? I have always remained confused about this reality. I think most men or even most women interpret it wrong. What really feminism is, no one talks about. It's not just about dress, it's not just about equality, and it's not just about any other thing. It is about freedom to find out your identity. It is about fulfilling your dreams without any restrictions. It is about no matter whose daughter you are, whose you are, and whose wife you are, you have to build your identity. And for building, you need freedom. Freedom to build your identity.

But we have literally confused these terms by raising slogans and by raising posters where the content that was written made this feminism term about hating males. And it built a concept that women don't need men in this world. But we don't need this. Some slogans that were raised by women in my country were literally against our wills. Some are so vulgar that we literally thought for a moment we literally want this. Some are so vulgar to speak here that I don't want to talk about that; that was in a women's march. But some I especially want to talk about here which made this moment weak were "اپنا کھانا خود گرم کرو۔ (Heat your own food yourself)," "خطرناک خواتین کا زمانہ ہے (It is the era of dangerous women)," "عورت راج (Women’s rule)," "ماں کا، نانی کا، دادی کا سب کا بدلہ لیں گے۔ (We will take revenge for mother, grandmother, and maternal grandmother—all of them)."

These types of slogans are not talking about rights; they are talking about a war against men. On that march, most men supported the rights of women, but after reading this, what women were demanding was not our rights. We are struggling for our identity. And we don't want to take revenge from men, and we are not demanding anything that was highlighted in these posters. Those women who said "I don't cook for you," think if that woman is a housewife and your husband is a worker who works full day and comes home and provides you everything, and you said "I don't cook," I think it's not equality. We do not need this; we need support. We need that if we are called by the name of our father, husband, or brother, someone because of achievement calls them by our name and they also feel proud. We are not at war against men; we want to create a team so that we grow together and celebrate each other's achievements. I remember this quote by William Golding, and I really appreciate this, and he is also a man.

We don't need this. If women support, sometimes men also need support. When a man cries, most women start laughing; even society, their friends start laughing and say, "He is crying like a woman." We women say this; my mother said to my brother mostly, "Why are you crying? You are a man. Men don't cry; women cry. Are you a woman? Stop crying." And by this, we create a sense of weakness that women are weak because they cry, and for their whole life, men do not cry and they become monsters thinking they are powerful, and society did this. We need to understand this difference. We need identity. When I was a child, I always saw whenever someone asked my mother her introduction, she said, "I am the wife of that person. I am the daughter of that person, and I am the sister of that person." And I always thought this is the introduction of them? What is my mother's real identity? And the same is the case with so many women like my mother. So I always want to be recognized by my name and my achievement. So whenever anyone asks me, I say, "I am that person, I achieved that, I am doing that." That makes me feel alive. This is the fight for identity. When I joined a school for teaching, I met so many women whose husbands are literally working in the biggest government posts. Like two women who are working here, their husbands are college and school principals of government, and they are working in private schools. When I asked them their story, they said our husbands never put any restrictions; we are supporting each other. And we are here because we like to do this. Now here I feel happy because I recognize them by their position, not by their husband's position. And by talking with them, I understand the real meaning of feminism: a search for your identity, a struggle for your identity, and you need freedom to find your identity. I think we need to understand this: feminism is not as complicated as we sometimes make it by not understanding what it is. Instead of raising slogans or posters, we have to raise sessions, courses, and classes to help others understand what feminism is. By doing this, I think that we will find a way to reach many destinations. But by raising these vulgar slogans and by raising war against men, we are making life difficult for most talented women whose parents, by reading posters, get the wrong concept and prefer to stand with their daughters, wives, and sisters by starting a war against them. We need a clear or simple definition of feminism in every language so that everyone understands what exactly we want.