Part 1: “Teach Her to Build, Not Just to Withhold”

My mother never really focused on warning me about boys. She focused on me—on who I could become.”

There’s one thing I wish we emphasized more to our young girls, not just warnings, but empowerment. We tell girls what not to do: don’t sleep with men, don’t get pregnant, don’t dress like this, don’t act like that. But no one tells them who they can become. No one teaches them the beauty of standing on their own two feet, of being financially independent, of dreaming bigger than their environment.

And that is the greatest disservice we can do to the girl child.

I own a restaurant, and I intentionally hire young women, single mothers, girls fresh out of tough situations, because I believe in giving them a chance. But do you know what the biggest challenge has been? It's not skill, it's not commitment, it’s the mindset. Many of these girls don’t know what it means to dream. They’ve never been told they can. No one ever told them they could own a business, build wealth, make decisions on their own terms. No one prepared them for power.

See, I come from nothing. My family wasn’t well off. Every step I’ve taken has been uphill. But today, no matter how hard it gets, and running a business is hard, I still get to choose the life I want. That’s a kind of freedom I wish every young woman could taste. And I’m still learning, still figuring things out, but even in uncertainty, I have the power to choose who I love, what I pursue, and how I live. That is worth everything.

So many girls aren’t given that power. They're given rules. They're warned about diseases, about getting pregnant. They’re told to use protection. But no one gives them the why, no one sits them down and shows them a vision of what life could look like if they built first, if they became whole before giving their lives to someone else.

The African girl child is still being raised with outdated narratives that center men, not her becoming. Everything is about how to please, how to be chosen, rarely is she taught to choose herself.

And then we wonder why we have so many single mothers, abandoned by partners who were never committed in the first place. These girls are making life-altering decisions at an age when they haven’t even met their true selves yet. And they make these decisions not because they’re foolish, but because it’s the only script they know.

Where are the role models in our communities showing a different path? Where are the women who stand up and say, You can build, you can lead, you can grow.

We live in a time when quick money and the influencer culture have replaced real dreams. TikTok has become the new teacher, fame has become the new currency. And so many young girls now aspire to fast lifestyles, empty of values, chasing a fantasy of success with no foundation.

Even the girls I try to help, many are lured by the flash, the shortcut, the illusion of wealth. And it breaks my heart. You can try to counsel, to mentor, to guide, but if society continues to offer louder and shinier lies, our work feels like a whisper in a stadium of noise.

We must change the conversation, not just “don’t do this,” but “Here’s what you can do instead.”

Let’s teach financial literacy in schools and homes. Let’s normalize women talking about money, wealth, savings, investment. Let’s expose our girls to business, to entrepreneurship, to self-leadership.

Let’s create a culture where independence isn’t just survival, it’s honored.

Let’s raise our girls with a vision of who they can become, not just rules about what to avoid.

Because telling a girl “don’t have sex” without giving her a dream worth protecting is not empowerment, it’s silence. And silence has never raised strong women.

And I know this personally.

I was raised in a village, where we didn't have much. My mother struggled. She borrowed just to keep us afloat. But what she did give me was vision. She exposed me to programs, to stories of women doing extraordinary things. I remember seeing a woman in uniform and thinking, I want to be her. I want to be in power. That was the seed.

My mom never really focused on warning me about boys. She focused on me. On what I could become. She raised me with the belief that there was no greatness I couldn’t reach.

I worked for my school fees. I hustled at relatives’ houses. I learned the discipline of working hard for what I wanted. And because of that, I chased leadership roles. I entered competitions. People feared how ambitious I was. “Why are you so ambitious?” they’d ask. But I knew—because someone nurtured the fighter in me.

Today, I walk through the streets as a business owner and see other powerful businesses, and I no longer feel small. I feel inspired. I tell myself, Why not me? I dream of Forbes 30 under 30. I dream of owning more. I dream of expansion. I dream of impact.

Because I believe I can. Because someone once gave me the permission to try.

The desire to build a family, to love, to partner—it exists. But for me, it has always come after the desire to become. And I believe that’s the order we need to teach. First, become empowered. Then, empower others. Because if I’m not elevated, I will be forced to be someone else's stepping stone. And I matter too. I’m as important as anyone else.