Refind by adversity: The story of Ladabi

Ladabi was only fourteen years old when her parents sepearted and walked out on her and her four siblings. She became the primary care giver of children between ages twelve and two years. She had to make decisions about their education, their security and nurture them like a parent. They lived in a one room apartment in a secluded part of the community.

Ladabi's parents will call her once in a while to send little money for food and assure her that they will visit soon because they had to work at different states which is about ten hours drive from where Ladabi and her siblings live. The money they sent only provides food for at most two weeks for Ladibi and her siblings. Then they are left at the mercy of neigbors and the church to provide for them.

Every morning she ensures that her siblings are ready for school and makes lunch before she dresses up for school. She drops off the two youngest at school and then goes to her own school. When one of them is sick, she has to stay up all night to care for them. She helps them with their school work and guides them in their relationships and spiritual growth.

Three months after her parents left, Ladibi's grades dropped and she seems to be always absent minded in class. Sometimes, she forgets to do her school work because she has so much burden on her shoulders. Her menstruation came just barely four months after her mother left and it was very difficult for her to comprehend the changes in her body. She left cramps and would feel so weak but could not show her true feelings because her siblings were counting on her to act as both father and mother. The first few months was the most difficult time in her life. At some point, she wished that she had not been born and that she was not a girl.

Every night when everyone is asleep, she cries her heart out because she feels betrayed by her parents. She felt her childhood has been forcefully stolen from her because of the role she is presently saddled with. One night she got some rat poison and wanted to end her life! As she was contemplating what to do, her youngest sibling zila woke up and wanted Ladibi to cuddle her. This act melted Ladibi's heart and she trashed the rat poison and she resolved to live because of her siblings. All efforts to get the judicial system involved failed because there was no one willing to testify against her parents and the government lacks the financial capacity to care for her and her siblings.

One year after her parents abandoned them, Ladibi met a mentor, Zinariya a teacher and truama healing mentor who became a pillar of support for Ladabi and her siblings. She visits them, meet some financial needs, and encourages them to not loss hope despite their present predicament. Some times they sleep over at her house so that Ladibi can be helped to care for her siblings. These moments are one of the best times for Ladibi because she gets to be a child again. Zinariya met with some extend family members to find ways of help Ladibi and her siblings but no one was willing to help because her parents had cut ties with their families. Her father was an only child, and an orphan. His cousins were preoccupied with their own responsibilities that no one wants any extra burden. Her mother married her father without the consent of her family and she was disowned. Hence, no one from the mother's family want to care for the children. The issue was reported to the church that Ladibi's parents attended before the seperation but all effort by the clergy to make her parents see reason to come back and take up their responsibilities proved abortive. They were even advised to enroll them in a boarding school but both parents said that they don't make enough money at their places of work, thus the reason why they have not been able to come back and check on their children.

As I pen down this story, Ladibi and her siblings have not seen their parents for three years, they only call sometimes and send some little money for food and rent. Ladibi and her siblings spend most of their time with Zinariya's family and their church members who help to care for Ladibi's younger siblings as she writes her final examinations in school. She just graduated high school and is about to start a skill training in tailoring so that she can be empowered economically to care for her siblings and save for college. She has resolved to rise above her challenges and make better choices for herself. She dreams of a better future for her siblings. She hopes one day her parents will apologize to them and seek to rebuild their relationships especially with her youngest sibling who was only two years when her parents abandoned them. When her mates are talking about the lastest fashion or crush, Ladibi is spending time writing her short and long time goals. She is spending time developing life skills that will give her a better future. Although the burden of being a girl child in Ladibi's milieu can be challenging, she has intentionally chosen to rise above the stereotype and be all that she was created to be.

Ladabi was only able to achieve this feat because she had support. Although she still resents her parents for their abandonment. She is presnetly undergoing a trauma healing program and is hopeful that one day she can completely forgive her parents and reunite the family. She hopes to go to college after her skill training to become a lawyer so that she can fight for the rights of girls like herself. She also wants to own a founadtion that cares for abandoned children. She belives no child should live her story!