Teach Them(#GBVSeries5)

#GBVSeries5

Some months back I drove to the carwash, and as I waited patiently for my turn. 

I saw a woman whose kiosk was just beside the carwash, she had 3 daughters I asked for permission to speak to her daughters. 

She asked what about, I said body safety, she said they are too young for that. I told her she could listen to all I had to say if I was overstepping my boundaries she could stop me.

Her daughters were 6, 7 and 9, after pleasantries we began. 

Me: What are private parts?

Them: They began to touch other parts of their bodies excluding the private parts. I queried further, they were shy to call the names of their private parts or even point at them.

Me: Your private parts are special, there is nothing to be ashamed about, always call them by their right names. 

They are parts of your bodies that are covered and they are your breasts, vagina, vulva, buttocks and anus, they repeated these names after me.

All the while the mother was a silent participant.

Me: Do you know why, it is important to call your private parts by their right names?

Them: No!

Me: For example if someone tried to touch your vulva and you tell mummy "he tried to touch my stomach". Will mummy understand?

Them: No!

Me: But if you tell her "mummy he tried to touch my vulva" she would understand immediately and take the necessary action. Is that understood?

Them: Yes!

Me: What do you if someone ie a girl, boy, woman or man tries to touch your breasts, buttocks or vagina?

Them: Beat them, slap them etc

Me: What if they are bigger than you?
Them: We would shout.

Me: Good. Won't you also kick and hit to get away from their grip and run?
Them: We would.

Me: Would you report them to your parents?
Them: Yes
Me: Good!

Me: What would you do, if they say they would kill you or your parents if you talk?

Them: Then, we won't tell mummy and Daddy.

Me: Why not ??
Them: We don't want mummy and daddy to die.(They didn't even think of themselves).

Me: It's good to tell mummy and daddy everything, there should be no secrets. 

When people say they would hurt you and your parents, don't be scared, don't believe them.

Their aim is to make you scared so you won't do anything or tell anyone especially your parents.

If it happens you are still in their grip when they say, they would hurt you or your parents.

Please don't forget to kick and hit while screaming at the top of your lungs. Then run and tell your parents, always tell your parents.

Me: Do you go to you neighbours house to play alone?
Them: Yes

Me: Why?
Them: They are our friends.

Me: What if someone in the house tries to hurt you while there and the doors are locked, that you can't even run out.

Them: We will cry.

Me: It's best to play outside where your mum/dad and others can see you. If you want to go to a neighbour's house always go with one of your parents. Never go alone!
Is that understood?

Them: Yes ma

Me: What did I say?
Them: They repeated all I said.

Me: Do you sit on people's thighs??
Them: Yes after welcoming an uncle, aunt or visitor

Me: Are you comfortable, when you sit on their thighs??
Them: Chorus answer NO!!!!

Me: So why do you continue to sit?
Them: They could be angry if we don't?

Me: Never do anything you are uncomfortable with, never hug a relative or anyone if you don't want to. Shake his or her hand instead or you greet politely. 

Do not sit on anyone's thighs, if you are asked to, decline politely and say you prefer to sit by your self.

Them: Okay ma

Me: Do you collect gifts from people who do not show it to your parents first?

Them: Yes!

Me: Why?
Them: While smiling, gifts are nice.

Me: Yes! Gifts are nice but they should never be given without your parents approval.

In fact they should be given to your parents first, then your parents would decide whether to give you or not. You know why?

Them: No!

Me: There are bad people who may want to take advantage of you, they pretend to be your friends, play with you, talk with you and give you gifts without your parents' knowledge.

When you trust them, they hurt you badly- like touching and hurting your private parts, make you uncomfortable and threaten you, then you start keeping secrets. 

Won't it be good to avoid such people or be able to identify them?

Them: Yes Ma

Me: When a grown-up starts giving you gifts without your parent's approval, takes you to a secluded place just to talk or play with you.

Asks to show you his/her private parts, or insist you show him/her yours.

These are signs you should be mindful of, some end up threatening you because they do not want to be exposed.

Never show your private parts to anyone, no matter how kind they seem, even if they are your friends. 

Never ask to see another person's private parts.

And when anyone permits you to look at their private parts DONT! 

You know Why?

Them: Because private parts are meant to be private and covered.

Me: Good, clap for yourselves.

Their Mother: Thank you so much, you have enlightened me, as well as my children. God bless you.

Me: Thank you, it was my displeasure. Amen! 

Please remind them constantly and when possible "pretend play" i.e pretend you are touching their private parts, they, in turn, will act out all I taught them like screaming, hitting and kicking to get out of your grip and report to a trusted person.

This way it sticks and they will never forget if they find themselves in such a situation.

Their mother: I will do all you have said. Thank you so much.
 
If you got value, please do not only share on your timelines but tell your neighbours, siblings, church members etc, all you have learnt, don't keep it to yourself.

We have a better chance of ending gender-based violence when we work collectively.

PS: This should be taught to boys as well, using their own body parts.

To your continued awareness,

Henrietta Odey