The Illusion of Toughness - Magdalene Wambui's Reflections on Self Awareness

Introduction

Magdalene Wambui, a holistic wellness writer from Kenya, specialises in crafting emotionally resonant narratives for wellness and mental health leaders. In her insightful reflections, she challenges the notion of "tough skin" and explores the deeper implications of emotional armour.

The Myth of Tough Skin

Magdalene begins by addressing the misconception of having "tough skin." She argues that what many perceive as strength is often just emotional unavailability. People who claim that nothing affects them may, in reality, have not allowed themselves to feel anything for years. This emotional numbness is not resilience, and detachment is not healing.

The Path to Emotional Armour

Magdalene explains how individuals develop emotional armour. When vulnerability is mocked, people shut down. When needs are unmet, they stop needing. When they are hurt, they harden. Over time, they begin to equate silence with peace, isolation with independence, and detachment with maturity.

The Reality of Emotional Numbness

Magdalene emphasises that emotional numbness does not equate to strength. It does not protect; it merely keeps people distant. It does not make them unbreakable; it makes them untouchable. It does not signify healing; it indicates a fear of feeling.

Recognising the Signs

Magdalene identifies behaviours that indicate emotional numbness:

• Numbing out with food, scrolling, or fixing others when triggered.
• Pushing people away when they get close.
• Shutting down emotions, labelling them as weakness.

These behaviours suggest that individuals are not thriving but managing a past that disrupts their peace.

The Path to Healing

Magdalene offers a way out of emotional numbness:

• Name the Feeling: Acknowledge emotions, even if they are terrifying.
• Sit with Discomfort: Understand that discomfort will not destroy you.
• Tune into Your Body: Let your body reveal the truths your mind has buried.
• Let Safe People In: Trust that safe people exist and can offer support.
• Soften Where You Once Shut Down: Recognise that true strength lies in vulnerability.

The Lesson

Magdalene's reflections teach us that true strength is not about emotional numbness but about the ability to feel and heal. By acknowledging and addressing our emotions, we can move towards genuine resilience and healing.

Magdalene Wambui's insights challenge the conventional notion of toughness and highlight the importance of emotional vulnerability. Her reflections remind us that real power comes from feeling and healing without shame. By embracing our emotions and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we can achieve true strength and resilience.