The impact of words on self-esteem

This past week I was invited to speak in two separate events on the topic ‘The impact of words on self-esteem’

I will love to share a snippet of that talk with you and will really appreciate your feedback after reading.

But first what do you think about the old saying that,‘Sticks and stones can break my bonesBut words can never hurt me?

http://www.falselabelseries.biz/

Have you ever been stuffed into an identity you never asked for or called any names other than your given names?

In life people are constantly telling us what we can or cannot become, what we do or don’t have. It’s just like they are sticking a label on us, “you are too fat”, “too short”, “not good enough”, “can never amount to anything”?.Kelly was a little girl who was bullied throughout her high school years. Her school mates had put some labels on her like, geek, fat and short. She was called “the thing.” Surprisingly, she carried that burden with her throughout her first year in college. She believed what her name callers had told her, she was the “thing.” Those bad words just stuck. They were so ironed in her mind so much that when someone complimented her as being pretty, she immediately dismissed it because she thought that was another way of mocking her or maybe they just pitied her. She was so depressed that she started isolating herself from everyone. She had no friends. No one wanted her because she did not fit into their niche. All these damaged her sense of self-worth. She had thought of taking her life many times because after all she did not think there was anything to live for. But one day while she was watching television, she saw reports of another teen that was teased in the same manner and decided to take his life. She immediately related to his experience and began to seek help. She got advice and support from her school chaplain and her life changed. She began to see herself as worthy, important and also accepted and appreciate who she was and whose she belongs to. Her brevity to seek help saved her life. But there are thousands of people young and old who have and are going through what Kelly went through but do not have the courage or anyone to talk to. They rather keep to themselves. Statistics shows that approximately .30.000 American kids are killed every year and half of them from verbal abuse. A lady I interviewed recently lost her daughter because she was called a whore in school and could not bear the humiliation. I got pregnant as a teenager—very wrong yes, it’s not only considered an abomination and a taboo in my culture but wrong in the site of God. From that moment on, I was written offas an outcast, failure, not valuable, second class girl, useless, someone who will never amount to anything and more.

But why talk about the impact of words?

I know all too well because I have been there. When used inappropriately and in the wrong place at the wrong time, words can be the biggest killer of self-esteem. Wordscan build, destroy, curse or bless, cause insecurities and fears, self-hatred, because feelings ofunworthiness and can leave lasting scars.

What really matters is who you are and to whom you belong.

I believe that the best way to conquer whatever people say aboutyou is when you know who you are and to whom you belong to. I want to challenge you today, to remove all those old false labels and start relabeling yourself with what God says about you. You are not all those names you have been called but what God calls you. When He took time to make you and me, He made a masterpiece. You are a child of the most high God. He did not make a mistake when he created you .He thinks you are unique, special, forgiven, restored, blessed, beautiful etc. Be yourself, do not try to fit in but stand out. You are unique and special just the way you are, fearfully and beautifully made. God determines our destiny not man.Don’t let any words still your joy. Our human tendency is to judge others because of stereotypes, customs or prejudices and all the wrongs they have done or their imperfections. Jesus treats people as individuals, accepting them with love and compassion. He teaches us to do the same to our neighbors. The Power of Words teaches about how words can lift or tear down another person and how we need to be careful what we say and how we say it.Proverbs 18: 4, “your words are like life giving water”. There people out there who have gone through all kind of trials and tribulations and need your kind words, those kind of words that can give them a boost and lift them out of the strongholds that have held them back for so long. Encouraging and complimentary words.

The Boy with the Big Nose

I read an article recently about a man in his fifties now who had carried a veryburden with him from his high school days. He had been bullied so much that he was nicknamed the boy with the big nose. That damaged him not only emotionally but in all aspects of his life. His life took a different turn. He isolated himself from friends and family members and will not go anywhere people were socializing. Every time he was walking down the street and anyone looked at him, he will immediately think they were looking at his big nose. So he bought a very big eye glasses and wore them all the time in order take people’s attention from his nose. But he did not feel any better. Plan B was to save some money and get a nose job. Early this year ,his family had a very big reunion .He attended anyway but will not take part in anything or even take pictures with the family. He knew exactly how to shy away when it was time for pictures. He did this for two days but one of his in- laws took notice of what was going on and decided to ask him why. When asked, he surprisingly opened up to his in-law. He told him that when he was in high school, he was called “the boy with the big nose”. If you are reading this, just imagine how many years this man went around with self-pity, shame and low self-esteem because of what he was called. Words are very damaging and destroying .The good news is that his in-law used two simple words to him which changed his life. After being so shocked to hear why hehad always stayed away from the family he thought he needed help. That help was his kind and complimentary words. “You are uniqueand special andfine just the way God made you. “This man with a big nose never had to do a nose job again because someone reached out to him with kind words. If you are here now reading this, how do you plan to use your words? Curse or bless, build or destroy?Whose rope are you holding? How do you want to be remembered? And to you who have been called so many names, what will you do with all the names you have been called? Sit around in self-pity and shame, feeling all watched out and be consumed with low self-esteem? Or shake it off and wear the new labels God has for you? I want to encourage you all who are reading this to:-Learn to accept who you are while celebrating your life and your story joyfully, completely and with pride.-Have the courage to embrace and accept your imperfections and treat yourself kindly.-Believe you are enough. Because no child of God is perfect, I stand here today, not as that little girl who was once considered an outcast and was drowning in self-pity and shame but as a proud child of God. I pray you will all let go of any and every word that has held you back and stand as a proud child of the highest God because you are worthy.

Don't accept anyone's definition of you but define yourself.

DON’T LET PEOPLE LABEL YOU!