The Pressure Paradox: How High Achievers Crack Under Expectations.

Hello everyone, I'm Maham. From childhood to graduation, I always remained a brilliant student. I scored good marks, and my parents always felt proud to tell my achievements to relatives. However, whenever they told about my achievements, they always added expectations, saying things like, "𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲," or "𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿."

In my first regular exam in 5th class, I felt nervous and experienced panic attacks, but I controlled myself. I wasn't worried about 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗺; I was worried about not achieving good marks and what others would say. This created a series of thoughts, and instead of focusing on the paper, I felt like I was dying.

After getting excellent marks in my first result, my father never became happy with me; he always expected impossible things. When he found out I wasn't a topper, instead of focusing on my excellence, he started regretting why I didn't get more marks. This literally demotivated me.

From that result onwards, I never felt like I was human; I felt like a robot of my father, society, and expectations. I decided to adopt habits like the girl my father compared me to, who always stayed in class and never went outside. I studied so much that I forgot to play.

Within three years, it became my habit to avoid relatives, weddings, and social gatherings. I felt comfortable staying in my room, but I didn't know it was my biggest mistake. My father was happy that I was just working on my studies and doing what he wanted.

In 8th class, I again got excellent marks, but my father wasn't happy because I wasn't on top. My teachers praised me, but my happiness was short lived when my father changed my school. The new school had high expectations, and I started procrastinating, because here I was a topper.

In 9th class, I got more than 90 percent marks, but my father still wasn't happy. He wanted more. I felt like a robot who couldn't make him happy. I struggled, didn't sleep, and avoided social interactions.

In matric, I got excellent marks, and my father was finally happy. He said I made him proud, but I didn't feel like celebrating. I realized I was becoming a patient of social anxiety, feeling nervous about meeting people.

My father forced me to take medical subjects, but I wanted to take non-medical subjects. He refused, saying I'd become a doctor. I wanted to do CA, but he said it had no scope and if I wanted to continue studying and get financial support, I had to choose medical subjects. So, under pressure, I chose medical subjects, but I didn't put in much effort.

After two years, I got good marks, but I still wanted to do CA. However, my father still wanted me to pursue medical. I refused, and we had a confrontation. My uncle suggested I take admission in Government College Lahore, but I applied to a different college and got selected in BS English. I told my father that if I wasn't doing CA, I wasn't doing MBBS, and since he wasn't giving me pocket money, I'd choose Government college to complete my graduation in English. At least, I wouldn't have to force myself to do something I didn't want to.

My father wasn't happy that I took BS English, and we had a disagreement. He stopped giving me money, but my mother helped me. My father wanted me to do BS Chemistry, as my uncle suggested. To resolve the matter, my mother lied to my father that I was doing BS English because I wanted to do competitive exams, which put more pressure on me.

Now, I started doing my English, but my father still pressures me about competitive exams. After completing BS English, I'm lost and depressed, crying daily. I joined a teaching job, but my father pressurized me to leave. I don't want anything; I just want a free life where no one dictates what to do. But my father doesn't understand this.

I became depressed and felt like I wasn't in the right condition, and no one understood me. Without telling anyone, I consulted a therapist who suggested I focus on myself, leave everything that hurts me, and do what gives me pleasure. She advised me to write about my problems and take a break from pressure. I had only 7-day sessions with her via messages because I didn't have much money and didn't want to tell my parents, as they don't believe in mental health problems.

Then, I resigned from my job, started writing, and created content on social media. Now, I just focus on myself; I don't listen to anyone's suggestions. I'm preparing myself to get ready because my therapist said I should apply or join a job only when I'm ready; otherwise, I should stay calm and focus. I'm happy now, and I'm improving myself. I joined the Word Pulse community, and I'm grateful for their support.