The real me sees in threes

The real me is quiet. Not nearly as talkative and outspoken as I seem.

And the real me is introverted. Observant. Even in the middle of a group of chattering friends, even as I tell a story or crack a joke, I'm watching from a place deep inside myself. I'm there, but I'm watching me be there too. And I'm watching you respond to me, while I'm watching others respond to me and you. I call it Seeing in Threes.

Since a child, I've been able to observe myself interacting with the world, even while I observe the world interacting with me and others.

I think the first, deepest and realest me is the one watching me closely, and watching everyone else. There's a me in me - paying attention to everything I do. I watch myself speak, act, think. I watch myself react, feel, be. I am my closest observer, because I'm seeing what I outwardly portray, and how I inwardly process things.

That's the me nobody really gets to. Not even my closest and best friends. That's the me you cannot reach. No feelings, no words run that deep. It's the me who sees and thinks and decides, but does not feel or personalise.

Then there's the me you can get to - the one doing the speaking, thinking, being ... The one that loves hard, laughs loud, reads plenty, likes to tell a good story and enjoys punny witticisms. The one you get to meet. It's also me - a very real me, because through that me, I experience life in rich and astounding ways. That me also has a deep connection with my body. That's the me who feels sunlight and rain and drinks water and eats food, and burps and farts. That's the me who smiles and hugs and wonders about connections between a million different, seemingly unrelated things.

It's a curious me. It's a me who always wants to know, who always tries to understand, and who's always asking questions. That me can vary depending on what is required in a given moment. That me can be quiet, and pensive; moody, aloof; loud, boisterous.

Then there's the me that sees you. And it's different from the me that's always watching myself do life, and it's different from the me that's out here doing life. It's like a section in my brain built to zone in on how other humans interact. It's very cerebral. This me watches people a lot. I see you talking with others, I watch you moving around a room. I watch your pauses, your half smiles and half shrugs. I see how you glance around, where your eyes land, and how you start talking to other persons, or sit quietly by yourself. I see the people moving around you. I see you, and I see them too. And I'm watching everything you all do. Noting the nuances. That's the me that daydreams. That's the me that can go blank and zone out completely, having focused on one thing for too long. Or on nothing at all.

So the thing I want people to know about me is there's more than one me experiencing everything taking place.

I'm always watching, seeing, thinking from three different spaces.

I see in threes.