The Society's Idea of A Real Man

For a very long period of time, the society's idea of a “real man” has been a wall of silent strength—unbreakable, unfeeling, and invulnerable. This rigid definition of masculinity has created a dangerous and painful reality for countless men, especially for those who have been victims of sexual assault. While we have rightfully acknowledge the trauma of sexual violence, we often fail to recognize that the perpetrator and the victim can sometimes be male. Because of deeply ingrained social stigmas, many men who are raped feel that coming forward would strip them of their very identity as a "man."

The result is a silent crisis. When a man is sexually assaulted by any gender, he faces a unique set of barriers to reporting the crime. He may fear disbelief and ridicule from law enforcement here in Nigeria and in some other places too, ridicule from friends, or judgment from his family, his brothers precisely. The narrative of men as perpetrators, not victims, is so powerful that it leaves little room for a survivor’s story. This shame forces many men to suffer in silence, leading to serious emotional and psychological consequences, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD, with little to no support.

But a person’s pain is not defined by their gender. The courage it takes to speak out is not a measure of "manliness," but a testament to human resilience. True strength lies not in enduring trauma alone, but in seeking help and healing. It is a strength born of vulnerability.

To break this vicious cycle, our society must shift its perspective. We need to create a culture where empathy is not gendered and where support is a given for all survivors, regardless of their sex. We must challenge the toxic stereotypes that equate being a man with being immune to harm. By fostering open, non-judgmental conversations, we can build safe spaces for men to share their stories and begin the process of healing.

Ultimately, hearing men's voices isn't just about a single issue; it's about validating the humanity of every individual. It's about acknowledging that a person's experience, trauma, and right to justice are not determined by who they are, but by what happened to them.

This is for us who have a brother or relative who has gone through this despicable thing called rape.