The Unheard Scream (1/∞)

"This story is written from her perspective. I tried to put myself in her shoes, to share her pain."

ENTRY 1

Name: Zainab Amin Ansari

Case: Murdered, dumped in the garbage disposal, after being brutally raped & tortured.

The sky is so blue and cold, but I'm wearing my favorite pink suit, I should run to my Quran class, but here I met my neighbouring uncle, he said my parents came back. I missed my ammi abbu. They went for umrah and came back. I need to meet them, uncle said he'll take me to them, he told me to hold his hand, I did wrap my fingers around his... I'm going to meet my parents.

I asked my uncle so many times where they were, but he kept quiet. Uncle took me to some place where my parents are, but I can't find them, I can't see them around. Where are they?

I wanted to ask him, but how… why were his hands on my chest, my back, my legs, my thighs, my face... Ammi told me it's wrong, what is uncle doing, why aren't my clothes on my body, why is uncle taking his clothes off, I don't like it, uncle should stop… I can't see the pretty sky, why it's so cold and dark here, I want to meet ammi abbu...

Uncle, what is he doing? My wrist hurts, my body hurts. I'm scared, I want to see my parents, I can't breathe, why is the hand on my neck? I don't like it.

What is going on?

What is going on?

What is going on?

He tied my body at the side. Why?

He tied my mouth, too. Uncle isn't going to let me speak. Why?

He's leaving me alone here. Why?

The pretty sky is scary now. Why am I alone?

I’m tired.

"I feel so cold, so cold.

I want to see my siblings, and I want to play hide and seek with them.

I want to eat mangos. I love mangos.

I need to go to school. I completed my homework, and my teacher will be so happy.

Khala will be very worried. Did Uncle tell her I'm here? Are we playing hide and seek, but I was never tied playing hide and seek before… My siblings will find me, we'll be very happy... but I'm so hungry, did uncle go away to get me food?

I want to drink water, I feel very tired and thirsty, but it's very cold. I like to sleep in my mother's arms. I miss her very much. Are they playing with me? But why is this play taking so long?

It's so sunny now. Did I fall asleep? I can hear Azaan, I can hear motorbikes. Why are people shouting? Can I say something? I can't. My mouth is tied.

Uncle came back, but he didn't bring food for me... my clothes, why are they scattered on the ground… again, why is Uncle above me, it hurts...very much…I saw blood… It’s scary. What is he doing? Why is his hand on my mouth? I can't scream. I want to go home, please.

Please let me go home.

It's so cold again, my clothes are not on my body, I'm so scared, Ammi, where are you, I need you, I miss you, Ammi Abbu-

The sky is not pretty. I don't like it. I can't see anything, my body hurts, my head hurts, I'm very tired, I want to meet my siblings, I don't feel safe here, why are we still playing hide and seek? I will never play this game again. I just want to be with my family.

I heard Azaan again, I saw the light again, I heard the voice again, the roar of motorbikes again, yet I didn't hear you, Ammi Abbu-

Uncle is back again. He looks scary, and I'm very scared, tired, and worn out. I heard my stomach make noises, I'm very hungry...

Uncle still didn't bring me food.

Uncle still didn't come with you to look at me, Ammi.

Uncle is bad, very bad, he is not nice, not at all...

He's again above me, not just that, he's at my back, holding me tight, it’s painful, he didn't let me breathe, my throat burns, I can't scream anymore, I want to crawl away, I’m trying, but I don't have energy anymore.

"Ammi, where are you? I want to see you, look what this uncle is doing, I don't like it. Tell him to stop, please, for the last time, tell him to stop."

The solid land, sand and dust, tears, screams, and darkness made me scared, very scared. I'm not used to this place even after 3 days.

I want to run, I should run...

I tried, and I tried to free myself, but he held me back, down on my back... danger, danger, uncle said that day that he'll take me to meet you, ammi abbu, what he's doing... again.

It's freezing, he's not stopping, my breath...

I can't breathe...

I want to breathe...

I need to breathe...

I want to see my ammi abbu-

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What is happening, what is doing, why am I seeing myself in front of me? While his body is still above me… he lies.

He lied... lied about taking me home, but why am I seeing my body in front of me?

It's still very dark, my eyes were open, didn't blink, not once, not twice, nor thrice, why is my body not moving? I should try, try to get free. I wanted to meet my parents, but why am I not moving?

Why am I seeing myself like this? Why is it so dark again? He's dressing me in my clothes… The clothes, which are very smelly and dirty, Ammi would have been very sad knowing I was wearing dirty clothes for days...

She would have combed my hair, which now is here and there, full of small stones and pain.

She would have bathed me, knowing my whole body was smelly and muddy.

She would have applied cream and comforted me after seeing all those marks on my body.

She would have taken me to a doctor, panicking, since I was bleeding from down there.

She would have stayed by my side with Abbu and my beloved siblings, but they aren't here.

I don't feel cold anymore, nor hurt, but I can see Uncle taking my body somewhere. My body was not moving, maybe because I fell asleep from all the tiredness, he was looking around, maybe because he's taking me home... to finally surprise me with my parents, but this road doesn't go home…

Why did he throw my body above the pile of garbage?

Why isn't he taking me home instead?

Why is he leaving me there alone?

Should I touch my body? I can't recognize myself. I was looking pretty as I went to the Quran class that day. Why am I like this now?

Why did he leave me here?

Did I do something?

Why is no one coming?

Did they forget me?

Why can't I touch myself? Maybe because I'm no longer alive...

*The End*

We all know how and what happened to Zainab Amin Ansari. We know how her parents felt, and we know the confession the rapist gave... but what about Zainab? Who felt her? Who knows what she was going through? How much did she suffer? We can just make a guess… what horror she went through, we don’t know, and we can’t imagine it.

At last, she's not with us. She would have been turning 16 this August, but only if she had been here with us, alive, happy with her family.

We believe in hope, but what about the hope we lose when we leave such men around? When they aren't punished? When they aren't held accountable for their act? We need to hold such pedophiles accountable and raise our voices whenever we witness anything wrong, because at last, it's not all men but MEN.