The Way you Raised Me

Yamini Parashar is pursuing her BA from Delhi university. She likes to write poems and observe things and is concerned with social issues. She identifies herself as a feminist and sees herself as a clinical psychologist in a few years. She’s been a part of a few poetry programmes held in her city.

                                                                           The Way you Raised Me

 Selflessness is her birthmark
 Suppressing herself is her strength
 And suffering is an obligation
 And they say
 “We gave you every right and equality”
 But did you ever think of my freedom
 When you cut my wings when I want to fly?
 You shut my doors with your false perceptions
 When I wanted to see the world with my eyes.
 When you should have worried about my education
 You worried about saving money for my marriage.
 You labelled me as a slut
 And characterless
 Because I did not abide with the norms of your home.
 I didn’t want to marry at 20
 But that was everyone’s wish
 But I will oppose it
 I wish to live for myself first.
 I did not want to buy those expressive sarees
 Nor do I want to make love to bring children.
 I’m living the life you created for me
 But don’t stop me from living my life.
 Marriage is not what I aspire for
 But I intend to lessen your pain in your old age
 Bringing back life into those who left it far behind
 I do not wish to see myself turned into a commodity
 And being sold in the hands of a business ally
 Turning that sweat and blood of yours to be given away to a stranger
 Calling it dowry
 I do not want you to be over-burdened with the fear of marrying me into a family.
 They say
 “A girl should not come back to her maternal home after getting married.”
 But tell me, how do I make a home out of strangers?
 Be an example of sacrifice and fulfil demands?
 Accept the way they want to treat me?
 How do I justify myself burning into ashes there
 Hiding under the veil
 Because you said that a girl should not talk too much in front of her new family?
 You said, “They are your new parents and this is your new home.”
 But how do I make a home where everyone is unknown
 Where I’m a servant by day
 And am forced to make love at night
 With a stranger with whom I share my bed?
 If you believed that one should not let anyone overpower and take away someone’s dignity
 I could have stood up for myself.
 If my mother hadn’t been so immune
 To the scars and scratches of my childhood
 That turned into questions and doubts and insecurities and hostility
 I would have stood up for myself,
 Not wanting to, again,
 Be loved by someone whom I barely know
 Or have children raised in perpetuated patriarchy
 To embodying those norms once again.
 What I wished to do
 Nobody bothered to listen
 Silent were my cries
 And dry were my tears.
 All I wanted was to be a son to my father
 To take every responsibility for my parent’s wrinkled skin and be a shoulder for their tired souls.

 Opinions expressed are of the writer.

*This blog was first published in Safecity.