Three Musketeers: The Tale of Freedom

Throughout history, women have encountered oppression and discrimination, particularly when pursuing their aspirations. Numerous accounts illustrate this battle through actual events. Nevertheless, numerous narratives inspire optimism in me, tales of liberation and the invigorating sensation of fully spreading one's wings. We have come across many tales and films portraying men embarking on journeys together, such as Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. However, stories like Sweet Kaaram Coffee or Dhak Dhak are uncommon. There are many women in our society who remain dutiful until they die: first as daughters, then as wives, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law, mothers, and grandmothers. Society and families teach women to be obedient and not to question these norms. Many such women are abused physically by their in-laws and husbands after marriage, which is often considered normal, and women are expected to bear it for the sake of marriage, an institution that is seen as pure and unbreakable. The women in this story have challenged these norms, going against not just their husbands, children, and in-laws, but also their parents. The narrative I am recounting centres on three middle-aged women who opt to travel together without male companions. These women hail from middle-class backgrounds where they were wedded to satisfy men and cater to their necessities, their households, and subsequently, their offspring. It is not a work of fiction but rather grounded in a genuine incident.

About Three Musketeers: Jyoti, Rakhi, and Vimala(named changed) were busy with their everyday lives and would never have thought of something like this until the opportunity came their way. Let’s meet these women to slowly uncover the story of their journey to freedom.

Vimala, aged 40, was born in a village called Rojhana in Jhalawar district, Rajasthan. She was one of two children her parents had. Her grandfather arranged her marriage to Shambhu when she was just 11 years old, while they were both still studying. At the age of 15, after a ritual known as GONA, she moved to her in-laws' house where she took on the responsibilities of a wife and daughter-in-law, including caring for the cows, milking them, cleaning, making cow dung cakes, and various household chores. Despite being inexperienced, she carried out these tasks, although she often faced criticism from her mother-in-law and sister-in-law. When she became pregnant at 16, she received no support or guidance, continuing to manage all the chores even when she fell ill, without anyone taking her to the hospital.

Her husband, Shambhu, currently operates a business producing iron tools for agriculture. They have three sons, two of whom are in college, while the third works as a software developer. When asked about her home life, Vimala expresses feelings of loneliness, lack of understanding, and love. She finds it challenging as she lacks the freedom to do as she pleases, rarely venturing out of the house without facing interrogation for being late. Her efforts go unappreciated, and she receives no care when she is unwell. Her husband, often returning home intoxicated, shouts at her and accuses her of exaggerating her illnesses. He is distrustful, disapproving of other men complimenting her and scolding her for being happy while dressing up. Vimala feels trapped in a miserable existence, solely viewed as a house helper by her family. This trip was an escape for her in one sense, but in another sense, it was a way to live freely without spending time fulfilling the needs of her husband and children.

Vimala, newly embarking on the journey of self-empowerment, is beginning to stand up for herself. Meanwhile, Jyoti, a seasoned warrior, has triumphed over numerous arduous challenges and persists in battling each day. Jyoti, a homemaker, possesses various talents in embroidery like knitting exquisite sweaters, crocheting, and other needlework. She hails from a village near Ujjain with a small population. In this village, there was only one shop selling biscuits, and electricity was non-existent. Jyoti grew up among six siblings in a joint family setup that included her father's brothers and his wives and 11 children. Her father was abusive, inflicting physical harm on them, including her mother, using iron rods, wooden sticks, and even fire. Despite her mother's kindness, the hostile environment created by her father hindered their ability to enjoy childhood activities or focus on their studies. Although they attended school, their education suffered due to the toxic environment. Before Jyoti's marriage, the home atmosphere was filled with fear, constant discord, and tension, leaving no room for artistic exploration or recreational activities. 

Jyoti entered wedlock at 18 without any prior knowledge of marital life or love, as there was no television or radio for guidance, and no one had enlightened her on spousal relationships. She married into a family even less affluent than her own, where her husband, battling tuberculosis, struggled to provide two square meals a day. Their union was not out of mutual affection but due to familial pressure on her husband. Post-marriage, her in-laws instigated her husband to physically abuse her for trivial reasons, while her sisters-in-law intimidated and criticized her for failing to meet their standards. Despite working tirelessly, Jyoti often went hungry. Her husband would ask her to return to her parents' home, while her parents would insist she go back to her in-laws, leaving her with no sense of belonging. After two years of marriage, Jyoti's pregnancy brought joy to her mother-in-law, yet the torment persisted.

This continued and Jyoti tried her best to keep everyone happy with every inch of her body. Yet it seemed her love and care couldn’t change the circumstances or the people. After years, one day her husband beat her so badly that she had to run away. She finally reached her parents' house. With unwavering support from her father and brothers, they took legal action against her husband and in-laws. But Jyoti was thinking about her children and also that she would not be able to live at her parents' house forever. She chose to go back to her husband's house but this time she vowed to no longer remain silent and stand up for herself. Due to the ongoing legal proceedings, her husband and in-laws were unable to harm her. Jyoti found her voice and started advocating for her rights. She disregarded others' opinions and focused solely on those who truly cared for her. As her children grew older, her confidence flourished alongside them. Over time, she became resilient and began venturing out more frequently. Jyoti, who is turning 60 soon, spent all her life caring for others but is now doing what she always wanted to, without caring too much about the opinions of her father or her husband. This trip was a way for her to fully connect with herself and stand up for what she believes in.

The subsequent lady in the queue is a professional affiliated with an organization that assists individuals in navigating government regulations. Rakhi was born in Cochin, Kerala. Originating from a family with wealth, reputation, and fame, she lost everything when her father passed away when she was merely three years old. The responsibility of managing the household and looking after her daughters fell on Rakhi's mother. Despite having support from her family, she was determined to raise her daughters independently. Through hard work and numerous challenges, she successfully raised Rakhi and her sister. Rakhi got married at the age of 21. While her in-laws were supportive of her new household, her husband was not pleased with her as she did not meet his beauty standards. Despite the difficulties, she felt unable to return to her mother, as it is uncommon for women in our society to do so after marriage. This situation persisted until she gave birth to her first son. Her husband's attitude softened towards her, and things improved slightly. However, he still harboured reservations about her travelling or going out alone. This journey provided her with an opportunity. She believes that one should not give up the fight for their beliefs, or else life will be miserable. Although she enjoys travelling, every time a woman steps out, she is required to provide evidence. She is constantly judged or questioned about her character if she visits a temple or different locations. While she no longer faces this at home, societal norms still perpetuate these prejudices.

The Tale of Freedom: Jyoti and Rakhi met while they were working for a company that would make health products. They developed a friendship over time and would confide in each other, sharing both joys and sorrows. During one of their rendezvous, they discussed their underpaid jobs and the unfair treatment they endured. Rakhi, a Keralite, would often talk about the south and recount her experiences with Tirupati Balaji. She indicated that she would like to go there soon. To which Jyoti also expressed her long-held desire to visit the place. However, Jyoti was concerned if she would be allowed as her husband didn’t approve of her solo trips in the past but she decided to do it no matter what. So exactly what happened that she thought of, her husband said no and then Jyoti did what she had decided which was to go anyway. They also decided to invite other women to make it a big group. While both suggested names, only Vimala, a friend of Jyoti, wholeheartedly accepted the invitation. Learning about the trip, Vimala promptly agreed, seeking an escape from her domestic confines. Given that Shambu, Vimala's husband, was well-acquainted with Jyoti's family, he supported her decision.

Vimala reached Jyoti house and together all three of them went to Tirupati by train. All the decisions were taken by them, all the arrangements from booking the tickets to hotels were also taken care by the ladies. Since they didn’t have much money, they searched stayed at cheaper hotels, and used public covenyence. There were also incidents where they missed their buses and were clueless on a silent road late at night. They were scared too but decided to find solutions instead of focussing on the problems. They didn’t call their husbands as they would think of them as useless. 

On asking about their experiences; Vimala said “The trip served as an escape from the oppressive life, granting a sense of freedom and elation. I relished the ability to make simple choices like selecting a destination or enjoying her preferred meals, empowering and uplifting my spirits. I am Fond of dressing up and being photographed which I could do without anyone's permission or any trouble. She clicked many pictures of many moments during the trip. Having endured numerous hardships with no one to confide in, I finally found solace in sharing my burdens with my friends for the first time during this journey, resulting in a lighter heart.”

Jyoti on the other hand cherished her journey, relishing the freedom to make her own choices without hindrance. She said” Family outings often entail numerous restrictions on meal choices, timings, and return schedules. I felt liberated, akin to a child surrounded by an array of toys. I aspire to embark on similar adventures in the days ahead. I would like to give a message to all women to prioritize their happiness and lead life on their own terms.” Following her advice, Jyoti has experienced a significant transformation in her life.

Rakhi says "There is a difference between taking trips with family, where sometimes we do things we don't want to, and this trip, where all of us were friends and we did whatever we felt like. For example, we ate the food of our choice. I also realized my importance. We dared to explore some unknown places, and after this trip, we felt we could do this more often. We should do this once every 2-3 months. This way, our children and husbands understand our value.”

On asking if they faced any challenges, Rakhi says “ We only had one tension: one of us(Vimala) was always tense or troubled because her husband or children were calling her again and again, and it affected us as well. I am not blaming her, but she was troubled. Still, she tried to manage everything. Before this, we never thought of expenses, but this time we made a group and would mention the money we paid in the group. I had never done this before this trip, and I found it a bit weird but later got okay with it.”

Jyoti, Rakhi and Vimala indeed defied all these societal norms, supported each other, and did something of their choice. They had to take some difficult decisions at times and it wasn’t always easy but this is the beauty of freedom, no matter how difficult it may be it fulfils you. A small win but these women completed their journey. However, I am certain there are many such battles awaiting them and not just them but many women in India. Hence, I would like to ask why is it so difficult for women to travel alone without their spouses, fathers or male friends. What are we doing to make this possible for women? Instead of supporting our girls and women and teaching men, we stop women because we are scared of their safety. Why do we not make public spaces more approachable comfortable and safe for women?

P.S: This is not fiction but a real story of the women I have known closely. And this story is written with their consent, and the facts are real as told by themselves.