To all my asexual sisters reading this…

I can’t stand romance of any kind. Whenever I see a hot guy trying to flirt with me, I want to vomit. Listen up, straight girls, if a hot guy makes me hurl but YOU like him, by all means, he’s yours. But if he does the same to you, it just isn’t meant to be.

Now I know what you may be thinking, “are you really this way to ALL the men in your life?”

The answer is no. There are a few good men in my life that I am fond of. But other than that, that’s it. Any interaction with any other man and I want to throw myself off a fucking cliff!

The thing is, you just can’t reason with most guys. In other words, guys terrify me. Even if they’re being nice. You have no idea what they’re gonna do or say, and thinking about it makes me so nervous and having enough effort just to talk to one feels like a huge waste of my life and energy.

The next thing some of you might be asking, “have you ever been harassed or assaulted by any guy that made you feel this way?”

I’ve only been harassed once by one guy in public. But that wasn’t the reason for my aversion towards romance and men in general. No, what really set me off was when I saw more and more media (I am hardly social in real life) that puts men on a pedestal while treating women like shit as if we are “less than”. The absurd hatred of women I’ve seen from young boys these days (even if it’s always been taught since the beginning of time) just made me feel sick to my stomach.

The extreme misogynistic content I witnessed made me not only fear for my life but also hinder my ability to normally interact with men. It didn’t help that I was diagnosed with autism so communication was already bad enough for me. Nowadays, when I dare to GLANCE at a random guy, I feel like I got his cooties. And by cooties, I mean I’m breaking out in hives. My acne is especially bad since I’m stressed out all the goddamn time!

These days, my interactions with guys feel awkward and I wound up having anxiety attacks. I try to hide it by making snarky comments going “boys, ick!” and I would often tell my mom when I was in high school and college “I will never get married, boys have cooties”. It didn’t help that she was trying to make me have a boyfriend when I don’t want one even though she was the sole reason I swore off romance.

Another reason I have serious trouble communicating with guys is the macho talk. God, I hate fucking hate macho talk! It’s just a bunch of insecure dudes yapping on how they’re the most manliest men on earth, and how they’re “chick magnets”. Eww, barf!!

Then they have the fucking nerve to shoot down anything feminine or “girly”, all they’re doing is whining and bitching about how they’re being “emasculated”. Mind you, this shit gets ingrained in young boys as well. They think girls are icky while they’re ironically trying desperately to win one. Speaking of icky, I feel grossed out over having my own gender thrown under the bus, as if we’re nothing but disgusting subhumans. Imagine being a little girl and a bunch of boys either run away from you screaming you have cooties or getting bullied by mean kids (all boys) who insult you and treat you as lesser than.

If I have to hear one more rambling over some pointless macho shit, I’m going to vomit all my blood out until I’m dead!

Heading to the topic of romance and sexuality, I am grossed out and uncomfortable with affection and sex, especially if it’s regarding guys. I have sensitivity issues thanks to my autism and I get nauseous when I think about having a penis shoved inside my body. I’m also uncomfortable with looking at male genitals as they make me ill.

As for romance, I suck at communication and have trouble processing my emotions. I don’t understand what’s going on in men’s minds and I don’t have the energy in me to do so without cringing and feeling frustrated. It’s like when I try to understand men, I feel like my gender as a whole is being invalidated, which makes sense as a lot of articles on male and female brains are narrow-minded and based on harmful gender stereotypes.

It makes me wonder why gender is often misunderstood and accepted that way, yet if you do the same regarding race and ethnicity, you’d be labeled racist in a heartbeat (and rightfully so).

Not only that, I also fear for my own life, like if I decide to get into a relationship, I might end up getting harmed and having nowhere to run. That’s what happened to many women in domestic homes and it scares the living shit out of me.

This is why I’m asexual. You might be thinking why I couldn’t just be a lesbian instead? Well, the thing is, I still hate romance, and I have no interest in other women, even if I have an easier time talking to my own sex.

I hate having feelings of nausea whenever I see a man come beside me, but due to the sad events we’re witnessing today, I’d have to say it’s for the better.