Unconscious Bias: How I was harassed for being gentle and quiet.

Unconscious bias is a stereotype an individual holds about a certain group of people that they aren’t consciously aware of having it. It can be described as a subconscious attitude that affects the way individuals feel and think about others around them.

Bias can be developed through personal experiences. Stereotype may also be received from parents, education systems and other cultural institutions, as well as from popular forms of media such as books, movies and television. 

The most common type of bias I have ever experienced is cognitive bias. Few years ago, I was once disappointed and told that I don't look like a leader  just because I have a gentle face and am very quiet. I remember one day I was invited to meet a person to whom I had written a letter of invitation asking him to join the advisory board of the organization I was leading.

This man came to Tanzania to visit his relatives because he was not a Tanzanian. So I tried to arrive on time and be ready to answer any questions that he could have asked in order to convince him to accept being a member of the board.

Unlike what I expected, he didn't even give me a chance to say anything. Instead he raised concern about my ability in leadership positions. He said "I don't have faith in polite people, especially women. My heart suddenly broke, his words were too harsh for me. He went further and said, “polite and quiet people do not have courage to speak and express themselves. So it is very difficult to be trusted immediately”. And that's when he raised his main point.

He said, “Though today is the first time I have met you, I have noticed that you are very gentle and quiet, which makes me doubt your ability to lead.” he finished. I stood up and thanked him for his time and then left. I had no patience to continue being harassed by his words. It took me a long time to forget the incident.

Ever since then, I am not okay. I always doubt myself. I feel like I'm not good enough, I am not accepted. Despite everything, there are times when I accept myself and believe that gentleness and silence is not a threat but a strength.