Unmasking Injustice: Decoding sarcastic queries of a Mother in Law

To a sarcastic Mother-in-Law,

I hope you don't mind me reaching out in this way, but I felt it was important to address some concerns that have been on my mind for quite some time now. Please understand that my intention is not to criticize or accuse but rather to foster open communication and understanding between us.

Over the past few months, I have observed a strain in the relationship between you and me. It is evident that there have been some misunderstandings and conflicts, and as someone who cares deeply for both of you, it saddens me to witness any discord within our family.

I believe that open and honest communication is the key to resolving conflicts, so I hope you will take my words in the spirit they are intended – with love and a genuine desire for harmony.

Firstly, I would like to express my understanding that family dynamics can be complex, especially in the rich cultural tapestry of the Indo-Pak subcontinent. Different generations often bring varied perspectives and expectations, leading to potential clashes. However, it is crucial for us to find common ground and appreciate each other's viewpoints.

From what I have gathered, I might have done something that has caused distress or hurt. Rather than harboring resentment, I propose that we approach this situation with an open heart and a willingness to understand each other better.

In order to facilitate a productive conversation, I would like to pose a few questions, not as an accusation, but as an opportunity for clarification and understanding.

Communication Channels: Have there been instances where Hira felt hesitant or unable to express herself openly? Every time when I tried to communicate with you, you were so harsh and rude with me, that your behavior stopped me to openly communicate with you further. Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts, and it would be helpful to know if there are any barriers that we can collectively address.

Cultural Expectations: Given the diverse cultural background we come from, it's possible that there are expectations and norms that might differ between generations. You are from a village background and I am brought up in a big city. But you tried to impose evil and dark traditions upon me that destroyed my mental peace and sabotaged my physical health too. Are there cultural aspects that Hira might be struggling to navigate, and could we find a way to bridge any cultural gaps together?

Personal Boundaries: Each individual has their own set of values and personal boundaries. Has there been a situation where Hira felt that her boundaries were not respected? You were too much interfering between husband and wife’s matters. You tried to create clash between husband and wife by manipulating my husband’s mind with dirty politics. Who has given you the right to do so? Understanding and respecting each other's limits is crucial for a healthy and harmonious relationship.

Emotional Well-being: It's important to consider the emotional well-being of everyone involved. Has Hira expressed any concerns or feelings that may have been overlooked or misunderstood? A safe space for emotional expression can pave the way for healing and reconciliation.

Family Support: Family support is a cornerstone in times of difficulty. Have you accepted Hira as your family member ever and ensure that she feels valued and embraced within our family unit? After the wedding, the newly married girl moves to her husband's home and joins her new family. Adapting to the dynamics of the new household and forming bonds with in-laws are significant aspects of this transition. Respect for elders and adherence to cultural norms play a crucial role during this phase. I understand the above norms but why do you create such a hype for these norms that it engulfed my mental peace?

Culinary Skills and Domestic Responsibilities: In many Pakistani households, cultural expectations place importance on a woman's culinary skills. A newly married girl is often expected to learn and excel in traditional cooking, ensuring that she can contribute to family meals. Domestic responsibilities, including managing the household and participating in family events, are also part of her role. I have tried to cook meals and make roti for all, but why you were so much interfering in all these matters? Later, I hesitated to cook meals because of low self-confidence. Why did you create such a barrier between me and other family members?

Facilities in house: Have you ever tried to provide Hira all the basic facilities of life which a girl needs after being married. Who allowed you to play dirty politics on small trivial things like clothes washing, utensils washing, etc. Why you don’t allow a maid to enter house and created so much chaos on this matter? Why you keep telling each and every nitty gritty of house to your son, just with intention that they fight and you feel good. Why your ego became superior than peace of house and family members?

I want to inform you that a daughter in law is not a "sandal of feet" but a respected human being. My heart wishes to behave with you in such a manner too, but my education and brought up does not allow me to deal with you in such a way.

Remember, the goal of these questions is not to place blame but to encourage understanding. It's possible that there might be aspects of Hira’s perspective that we haven't fully grasped. By addressing these questions, we can create an environment where everyone feels heard and respected.

I am optimistic that, with open hearts and a commitment to understanding, we can navigate through any challenges and strengthen the bonds that tie our family together. Your wisdom and experience are invaluable, and I believe that, together, we can overcome any obstacles that may arise.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these matters and I am hopeful that we can work towards a more harmonious and loving family environment.

A pathetic daughter in law