VOF Week 5 (Reflections)

When I first found Pulsewire through another online place I liked coming to read all the articles and posted my journal introduction one. I saw the link for the VOF and talked about it with my daughters who encouraged me to go for it. It took me a bit before I joined that one and I think I had already started trying to write about issues that I felt needed to be shared and talked about. Voices Rising really gave me the feeling of connecting with other woman around the world and encouraged me to try harder to write better and share more. The thoughts and ideas buzz around my head since there are so many I want to write that I often wonder which to write next. I wondered what kind of topics would be in the VOF and felt nervous about being good enough to be considered.

It seemed to take forever to actually start and the butterflies were growing in my belly waiting and waiting and hoping it would start soon. It is hard to describe the feeling of relief when it finally started and I read the first weeks assignment. I knew myself well enough to know I would have to write mine before reading anyone elses otherwise I would talk myself out of posting it at all. Then I began reading the other woman's assignments and really enjoyed it. It really fascinated me how many woman had great ideas and stories to share with us and it was fun reading each woman's unique style. I came back a couple of times a day to read them some days since I share this computer with my daughters but was eager to see who else had posted.

I think it was the third week when a couple of woman mentioned I had achieved my goal of wanting ot reach woman in a situation similar to mine and I started feeling weird about continuing on with it. Not that I thought I was going to be chosen but because there were so many who I wanted to be picked. There were 40 ones I felt like they should get the spots and another 20 I hoped would get them too. I am sure we all felt like that by then too, though. I began preparing my daughters for me not getting chosen since they really wanted me to "win". I said it was not my low elf esteem talking but just being awed by some of these other ones who really and honestly deserve to be chosen for this. I explained I began counting them up and reached 30 before I even finished with all the ones I felt should get it so thought it was likely that these would be the woman chosen since there were 40 very strong contenders in my mind for the 30 spots.

I was telling the girls that I really did not mind since it was an amazing time and journey and one I am so glad I was a part of. So many touched me and made me think of things in new ways. I will share funny moments in another post, maybe someone can start one for us? I love that both on here and on Voices Rising that we can continue to share and grow and encourage each other on this new journey of VOF Fans!

hugs,

Maria