What If?

What if I didn't want to leave? What if I wanted to stay here? With you. What if I wanted to explore what there is between us and listen to my heart for the first time. And not my head or my parents or my friends. What would you say? What would you do? Would you tell me to leave? Would you make me leave? Would you take control of my life like so many others have done? 

Or... Or do you want to explore this too? Do you want to see how far our love can go? See what our children and grandchildren would look like? See what our life would be like? Or what if we just drove. no preset destination. just you me and the radio.

What if we stopped caring about people's opinions and the only thing that matters is what we think.  What if we fell in love. the kind of love people dream about and write books and make movies about. An all-consuming kind of love. The can't-eat-can't-sleep reach for the stars kinda love. what if we built a family on a bunch of land with horses and sheep and cattle and had a big ass garden.

Because that's what I want. I want to watch you teach our children how to change a tire or change the oil in their car. Both our sons, and our daughters so they are never helpless. I want to watch your hair turn white. I want to watch the smile lines in your face deepen from years and years of smiling and laughing. I want to watch the sunsets on our porch swing. I want to wake you up by kissing you. I want to fall asleep after making love with you. 

Drinking sweet Iced Tea watching our grandchildren chase butterflies and sitting on our porch swing watching fireworks. Looking back at the many years we had together. And wanting so many more but being content enough to be happy with the years we have left. 

Or am I wrong? Do you not want to share a life? Make the best memories I ever had? Do you want to continue this life of yours? The one you say you will never leave. The one you say I am not welcome in, and that I don't belong. Because You are wrong. I belong wherever you are. You are NOT like your father. You are NOT your father. You are you. The best man I have ever met. The only man that I have ever loved. The only man that has quieted the suicidal thoughts I have had for YEARS. The only one that can calm my anxiety. The only one that knows what I'm thinking. I love you with all my being. And all that I am.