what is life without love

Here is my little story at the age of 25yrs up till date. I got married to my husband out of frustration reason being that as an orphan who was struggling to see how to get a bright future, I got into an unplanned married. When I got married, I was a punching bag and for each pregnancy he will beat me until I will think of getting rid of the baby. Being that woman who has always being struggling and has made up her mine of having a strong will power, I recalled my taught when I was young that I promise myself that if I grow up and become pregnant, I will never get rid of any baby and I will have my children with only one man and that man will be my husband, and will be helpful to the vulnerables and the needys. When I got married to him, he wasn't working but he was doing Mina jobs like clearing of peoples yard, designing the flowers etc. But each time he comes back to the house, he will say I don't have money and when I ask for the reason he will say the man has not paid him and I try telling him for the job done, then look for another one were you will have but a monthly salary, and he will refuse and start beating me and asking me if I want to tell him how to live his life or I want to control his life. The small  business I was doing then, I was paying the children's school fees and running the house with. Everyday I was crying for the kind of life I was inn. A life of no love, happiness, care etc. It was like the whole world was against me. I begged from neighbors, friends and relatives to help my husband, and no one was willing to. I sat one day and ask myself what actually is happening to us, my husband is a quiet man, he doesn't have friends and he goes for drinking ones a while.

One day I was sitting in front of my house so sad and my mine was very far in thinking not knowing that some one was watching at me. After sometime she came up to me and greeted and ask me why I am in this mode. I politely answered my sister things are not moving as I taught and my husband hasn't a job. So with that any thing I say whether good or bad he beat me up. She replied, my sister it means you don't know that your husband is a gambler?, and that why they don't want to help him? I was more than shock. But I said to my self be strong, you have always being succeeding even in tough times.

When I went to the market to buy some food stuff for sell, he gathered my neighbours and was pouring abuses about me in front of them how I was a prostitute, a dog and many other nasty things about me. So when I came back my daughter told me everything and I told her it shouldn't border her maybe I made him angry and did not know, and that I will just apologize to him. She OK mommy you are a kind heart mother and I don't know what I would done without you. He did involve the children in the beating and up till date the children always live the sitting room to their room each time he is back home. When my daughter was 4-5yrs old he got her beaten and break her tooth.

One day I decide to do and investigation about his movement and his attitude from his family members and friend and I discover that he wasn't only a gambler, he was recasitrante in both secondary and high school, and and he was a drug addict (banga).

When I learnt about all this, I cried my ass out for continuous one week and with the number of children I have with him and I ask God where did I go wrong and what crime did I commit that you decided to punish me this way?

When I stopped crying, I called my cousin who is a pastor and told him everything and he invited me to his house and I met him there. He sat me down and talked to me and we prayed and I was a little calm and he told me that we should also pray for him and that it is the devil's doing. I know my cousin was just trying to console me.

My dear world pulse sisters I decided to share my story because I have found love in the sisterhood and when I discover who he was, I made up my mine to focus on my dream carier and to achieve my objectives.

I will always be thankful to the sisterhood because the always makes me feel loved and caring even with or without sharing your life story with them. With this sister hood I have seen that I will see my dreams come true under the canopy.