What stops our Way!

The Conditioned Duality Within the “We”

We, the women, nearly half of the world’s population, have been conditioned to live in a constant state of duality. This duality, shaped by roles, responsibilities, personalities, and preferences, defines the lives we lead.

In India, for instance, we are glorified as goddesses on one hand and are on the other, denied access to basic literacy and healthcare. As we age, the resource deprivation deepens, leaving us dependent and vulnerable.

However, a shift is underway. In recent years, the powerful tool of formal education is bringing about  a .change We are gaining the  ability to assert. We are asserting ourselves in spaces with rich economic roles, family decisions and community participation. We are beginning to voice our right to a life of dignity, respect, and achievement. At the same time, it’s a fact that many of us who are able to assert, succeed to perceive and experience life through our own lens. Those of us who are not able to assert for socio-cultural constraints, continue to experience life through the lens of their immediate family, traditions  and social relations.

This brings us to an important question: Who truly matters? Is it the assertive or the non-assertive among us who define change? Can these two exist independently? Or are they inseparably entwined within us? Perhaps the truth is, we are both—assertive and non-assertive—depending on the situation. For instance, we may assert to access formal education, but remain silent when choosing a life partner. We may fight for our children's needs, but remain silent to express our choices and preferences. Over the time, many of us have internalized this duality and learned to use it as a strategy to accommodate and adjust in the given frame.

My concern is not why all of us aren’t equally assertive—because we can’t be. We are not a homogeneous group. Our emotional and intellectual constructs differ. We respond differently to different situations that leaves a scope to  label us as good and bad. We are categorized: into the assertive ones as “bad women,” and the non-assertive as “good women.” In social parlance, we are  good or bad wives, good or bad daughters, good or bad daughters-in-laws.  We are caged in the duality of these distinctive labels.  

Its high time, we reject this duality within us. In the race to be labelled as good women, are we not cheating ourselves! I feel that pretending to be someone we are not  may eventually  break us.  The choice of decision is in our hands, whether to reject or continue to live the life of duality.

Lets not forget, it’s the power of we, that would ultimately bring the change.