What the smile hides

I have learnt to put a smile on my face no matter what circumstances. I feel my burdens should not affect the next person. But honestly this doesn’t mean I am fine. Deep down I am dying. It is unfortunate life doesn’t give you roses all the times. I have several questions with no one to give you the answer. All I know one day I will go to bed and rest forever. My prayer is what I went through, my children will not go through. It is not easy to loose both parents at a tender age. Sometimes I sit down and wish if they were here I would share my grievances with her and feel better.But I have decided to make lemonade out of lemons. I want to be stronger than ever, I want to make it in life, I want to change my story line, I will live positively, I will be a testimony.

I grew up in the village, I know how to plough, I know how to milk cows, I know how to herd cattle, I know how water the garden with a bucket from stream, I know how to walk 6km to get to school. I know how to read when you on top of the tree, I know how to utilize day light to do your school work, I know how to cook and eat vegetables without cooking oil, I know how to walk 10km selling second hand clothes even exchanging with other goods such as maize, peanuts, beans, chicken.I know how to sell fresh cooked peanuts and freezits to artisan miners.I know how it feels to be shouted at when you get home. I know how to keep quiet when unbearable words are coming to you.

I know how to carry a 20l bucket of water for 2km, I know how to preserve vegetables for future use, I know how snakes feels when you touch them with your hands and even when you step on them. I know how to spend a day without eating. I know all types of embarrassment. I have been there.

I know how it feels not to go to school when your agemates are making it in life. I know what it feels to be an unpaid maid working for a so called closer than ever relative who doesn’t want to see you getting help. I know how it feels for someone to sit you down and tell you to take care of yourself when you are not working, I saw someone I stay with blocking my destiny and my destiny helpers.

After my A level, I had offers to go to University, the person who took me from the village and said wanted to build my future literally blocked my opportunities. All she wanted is cheap labor, I know how it feels to be taken advantage of. She then gave me an example that I should get a job and advance my education on my own, she stopped the people who wanted to sponsor my education. She told them not to help me anymore. Ever since my mom passed away , I never set my foot into the city but she was living lavishly in the city. She never took me in because I was still a child so I was a burden to her. When I completed A level she saw a maid in me and took me to the city as if it was love.

When I started staying with her, she gave me rules that I don’t eat cerevita , it is for her children. I don’t drink juice it’s for her and her kids. She even took herself and kids out for lunches and dinners and bring back empty boxes to show me they were enjoying. She told me she can not buy toothpaste, toothbrush, bathing soap and pads for a girl child. Ladies I was at home 24/7 working with no salary, not even pocket money and she expected me to buy myself toothpaste, soap and pads where would I get the money?. I know how to use a cloth as a pad. Thanks to my grandmother who would come from the village and give me money.

She told me I have to look for a job yet she don’t give me money to go to town. I walked to town whenever I get the chance and move from one shop to another, one company to another asking for a job without a CV. I would spend the whole day without eating and walk back home to meet her upset and bored. She would tell her children to call me numerous names such as dump,.

One day grace located me, one of my grandmother’s little sister from abroad visited and her friend came to visit. I was introduced to her as “this is Joy , the daughter of my sister’s daughter who passed away, do you remember her?” . She excitedly said yes I remember her when her mom passed away she was still a child, wow she has grown. She then asked me”So what are you doing now?” That’s when I told her I am doing nothing but I wish to go to school of nursing. She quickly said let me call my brother’s wife , she is a director in the ministry. After that call I was told to go to her office and narrate my story, she referred me with a letter which I took to the school of nursing.

Two years later I was called for an interview, gues what? When the letter came, that woman took it and she kept quiet, clearly she did not want me to go for an interview. But I tell you if God says yes no one can say no. The school had to call the director and inform her that Joy did not respond to our interview invitation and then she contacted me and then I went for the interview and passed. Today I am a qualified nurse.