When Does It End? – A Call to Raise Strong, Confident Girls

When does the lies, manipulation, and emotional abuse end?

I believe it ends when a girl learns to say NO.

It ends when she understands that she doesn’t need anyone’s validation to feel worthy, that she is already enough.

This is my truth.

I met him in a setting where trust was almost automatic, he was my teacher, mentor, and what we in Nigeria call “Father in the Lord.”

He taught us about God, life, and business.

He helped me find my feet when life had thrown me down.

I was grateful… until the day the gratitude began to turn to grief.

It started with small lies about his home, painting himself as a victim in his marriage, telling me his wife didn’t understand him etc..

I pitied him.

I believed him.

Sometimes i saw firsthand how his wife shouted at him but come on, it's marriage and misunderstandings happen.

So i prayed for his home, never knowing that these stories were carefully planted seeds.

Then came the advances.

Text messages.

Conversations that crossed boundaries.

Requests for sex, wrapped in spiritual language and emotional blackmail:

"If you refuse, you’ll ruin your own life… God brought you to me for a reason…"

I said NO. Repeatedly.

And I thank God I stood my ground.

But I was not the only one he targeted.

One day, two other young girls he was “mentoring” came to me, broken, crying.

Infact i confrunted the other when the first one came confessing to me and tellin me she is aware of the other one's predigament who could not talk or voice out....

They confessed that he had pressured them too, but unlike me, they hadn’t been able to say no.

He had sex with them multiple times.

He was the one who broke their virginity a dignity that meant so much to them.

One contracted an infection from him and had to treat it several times.

They both carried shame, guilt, and deep emotional scars.

They thought they were “in love.”

They believed his promises, one was told he would divorce his wife to marry her.

It was all manipulation.

Seeing them in pain broke me.

It reminded me how vulnerable young girls can be when they’ve never received adequate love, attention, and affirmation especially from their fathers.

When a man in a position of trust begins to show extra care, it can feel like home to them.

But many times, it’s a trap.

This is happening in Nigeria right now.

In churches, in schools, in communities.

And too often, it is covered in silence.

The girls are threatened into keeping quiet, afraid of shame, afraid of being blamed.

As someone who works with young girls, I am saying this: It is not enough to teach them skills.

We must teach them to love themselves.

We must teach them that they are enough, and that no man—no matter his title—has the right to their body.

We must also speak to fathers.

If you have a daughter, you are her first example of love and respect.

The way you treat her will influence the way she allows others to treat her.

I am calling on NGOs, teachers, women leaders, and every mother:

Teach emotional intelligence.

Teach self-worth.

Teach boundaries.

Create safe spaces where girls can speak without fear.

I recently read something Melinda French Gates said about her father.

She spoke of how he played a key role in her life and that of her siblings—instilling values, building confidence, and showing them they could achieve anything.

It struck me deeply because I realized that when a father is present and intentional, it shapes the destiny of his children in ways the world can see.

When a girl is whole — emotionally, spiritually, and mentally — no one can break her.

Some wounds never fully heal but if we act now, we can prevent many.

We can raise a generation of girls who are not afraid to say NO, and who know that saying NO is not weakness—it is strength.

This is not about attacking anyone.

It is about speaking the truth so that others can be free, protected, and helped.

Because if we don’t raise confident girls, the cycle will continue.

I have become that woman.

I am “Becoming Me” every day, and I have made up my mind to keep helping other girls do the same in the little way that i can.