When I was in a Christian private school, it was one of the worst experiences of my life

When I was growing up, my mom would never let me attend a regular public high school because she thought I was going to get into drugs. So I had to go into this crappy Christian private school and it was one of the worst decisions of my life.

When I was entering high school, I started getting signs of depression. I felt like I was a slave in one of those Pink Floyd music videos. I dreaded going to school, my body clock was spiraling out of control, I lacked the energy to focus and do my schoolwork since I didn’t get much to eat. I was so hungry and irritable that I had to bring me a snack to calm down my growling stomach.

What made matters worse was that my teachers were extremely conservative, they claimed homosexuality is a sin and made us watch those unhinged religious movies that go on a gay-bashing rampage. I hated nearly all my classes. I was an average student but I definitely struggled during my high school years.

I was threatened by my parents that if I don’t make at least a mid B (low B’s don’t cut it for them), I’m going to get a lecture over how lazy and careless I am. I came home knowing that my parents wouldn’t approve a C on my exams. I was so desperate to get my parents’ approval, I had to end up cheating on my tests. But of course I got caught, got big fat zeros, got sent to the principal’s office.

Almost everyday I would sent to the principal’s office for one reason or another and I would get a long miserable lecture of how bad I am and end it all off with them calling my parents in front of me. What’s worse is that they would act all sweet and innocent of front of them, but will show their true colors behind closed doors.

I was yelled at, beaten, and even at one point sent to the police station and they forced me to starve for the rest of the day. They would tell me how I deserve to get punished for being such a “bad kid”.

School was a living nightmare! As a woman diagnosed with autism, I felt othered by the whole school and my entire community. They claim that I’m “loved” but they keep proving the exact opposite. The adults were fucking hypocrites, they would tell me lying is bad yet they have the audacity to lie to ME that I am “loved” when I feel anything but!

To this day, I would have recurring nightmares of me getting in trouble at school. At one point of my life, I dreamt that I went to school naked and for some reason, my clothes were gone. Another nightmare I had was when I accidentally went into the boys’ locker room, got locked in there, and ended up being chased down by a bunch of sweaty hairy dudes with violent tempers.

But the worst one I had was when I was sent to a cultist school that locked me in there and required me to have my chest ripped open and have an offensive Nazi symbol tattooed onto my own beating heart. In a nutshell, school had traumatized me, especially when I was in high school.

Being autistic, I had sensory issues and was a highly sensitive person. For example, I hated noisy conversations and backgrounds while I’m trying to concentrate. I had better hearing compared to the rest of the students in my class, so being forced to listen to unnecessary background noises was hell for me. Second, I hated being instructed over things that I already know, and the more it’s repeated, the more it pisses me off.

That’s when I gained the ability to talk to myself to release my stress, but of course, people hate that and accuse me of being disruptive and disrespectful. And holy shit, I got punished to death just for simply getting my stress out. My parents would rage at me for daring to do such a thing as if they NEVER did anything like that themselves. I was always grounded and even physically beaten for simply expressing myself. As a child, I was taught that children (even if they are adults) are to be seen and not heard in the prescience of an elder.

And it pissed me off knowing that as long as my parents are still alive, I will remain being treated like a fucking slave! It didn’t matter how old I was or whether I moved out or not, they always had the final say by threatening me and putting me below them, as if my personal needs didn’t fucking matter to them! I was only allowed and encouraged to speak when it agrees with their agenda, so from my point of view, it’s like I’m being held at gunshot in order for them to make me what they want.

Back to the topic of school, my classmates were horrible to me, especially the boys. They would mock me in front of my face and tempt me to fight back. I did, and of course I’M the one who got into trouble and not any of the boys who started it. What made matters worse is that I was forced to carry a tracking sheet with me to monitor my behavior. I refused to talk to my parents about my bad days for fear of getting abused, and my principal used that to make my life worse.

It was the most ableist thing ever done to me as not only was I the only neurodivergent student in my school, but I was also the one student with the worst reputation. It traumatized me and made my parents’ behavior worse. I even tried to pretend being sick so I won’t have to go to school, but they made me go anyway.

I had also encountered a mean girl who used to be a friend of mine until we got into a fight for political reasons. I barely had any friends and was often the target for bullying. Whenever I fought back, I was always punished and framed the bad guy. One time I slapped a boy bigger than I am just because he won’t stop picking on me even when I told him to stop. And the boy cried like a big baby acting like the fucking victim to the point where my teacher called the police on me.

Of course, I was punished and beaten by my parents and they forced me to apologize to my bully all while a police officer appears to be holding me at gunpoint. Even if they so-called “forgave” me, they kept right on picking on me. They would brag to themselves how they got away with it all while being fully aware of what happened.

As for my teachers, they were also full of shit. They would immediately take the side of my bullies every time a fight happens, and whoop-dee-doo, I’m the one who gets in trouble, EVERY FUCKING TIME! They don’t fucking care about the double standards I have to go through as long as they have a scapegoat to point a finger at!

Out of all of them, my geometry teacher was the worst. He would constantly go off-topic and distract the other students, making me unable to concentrate on my work. He would have very little explanation regarding the actual assignments and expect us to just wing it. And he was a major asshole, he would talk shit about everything and everyone. The only person he would worship however was Bob fucking Ross! And he never shuts the fuck up about him! I don’t give a shit about some stupid ass artist that died over twenty years ago, I just want to get my goddamn work done! I swear to god if I hear that fucking name again, I’m going to scream!

What was even more humiliating was that I was the worst performing student in his class, and he ridiculed me several times over it! Gee, I wonder WHY? I hated his class so much that I would badmouth him at home when I got the chance.

And then there’s the church services, the boring church services that nobody asked for. It was held every Friday afternoon. My god, as if Bible class wasn’t bad enough! I’m stuck having to listen to some grown ass man rambling over some stupid gay-bashing, anti-abortion shit while I’m begging for the clock to go faster.

I hated them so much, I would try to hide in the girls’ bathroom as long as I can before I was dragged out by one of my female teachers and forced to listen to their brain-frying drivel. Garfield can complain all he likes about Mondays, meanwhile I can’t fucking stand Fridays! What I really hated about Fridays was not only did I waste hours of my life listening to a bunch of unhinged far-right bullshit, but I would also waste THREE MORE HOURS of my life going to MY PARENTS’ CHURCH after school on the SAME FUCKING DAY! Don’t even get me started on THAT!

Thankfully, I barely passed and managed to free myself from the torture that is high school. No more shitty bullies, no more lying teachers, no more ableist tracking sheets, no more Bob Ross, no more church, no more gay-bashing cringe-fests they call movies! Let’s just say I fared much better in college as I worked online.

Also my science teacher died a couple of months ago, and I’ve never felt more relieved. Even his own daughter hates him. My parents would often complain about her claiming she has an attitude problem, and when they found her father died, instead of trying to comfort her, they said “I wonder what she thinks now after her dad died” in a condescending tone. I was pissed when I heard it and I replied “she had a terrible relationship with her father while he was still alive, give her a break!”.

I swear to god, conservative parents are so hard to understand.