When It’s Not Laziness - Omollo's Perspective on Trauma Responses After Narcissistic Abuse

Introduction

Ambassador Maryben Omollo, a globally recognised Mental Health and Leadership Coach, 17-time award-winning speaker, and Founder of the Maryben Foundation, has dedicated her life to building resilient and inclusive workplaces across Africa. With a global reach of over 50 million people, she continues to advocate for mental health awareness, emotional healing, and trauma-informed leadership. In June 2025, Maryben shared a deeply empathetic message that resonated with many: the behaviours we often label as “laziness” may, in fact, be symptoms of unhealed trauma—particularly from narcissistic abuse. Her words serve as a powerful reminder that healing is not linear, and that what looks like procrastination or lack of motivation may actually be a nervous system in survival mode. This article explores eight common behaviours that are frequently misunderstood, offering insight into how trauma manifests and why compassion—not criticism—is the path to recovery.

The Mislabeling of Trauma as Laziness

In a world that glorifies productivity and performance, slowing down is often seen as weakness. But for survivors of narcissistic abuse, what appears to be laziness is often a protective response. These individuals are not unmotivated—they are emotionally exhausted. They are not careless—they are coping. Maryben’s message is clear: give yourself grace. You are not broken. You are rebuilding.

1. Procrastination: A Fear of Getting It Wrong - One of the most common signs is chronic procrastination. Survivors of narcissistic abuse often grew up or worked in environments where they were constantly criticized. Every decision was scrutinized, every mistake magnified. As a result, they develop a deep fear of doing things “wrong.” This fear can be paralyzing, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Procrastination, in this context, is not laziness—it’s self-protection.

2. Feeling Stuck Despite a To-Do List - You may have a list of tasks, goals, or dreams—but feel completely unable to start. This isn’t a lack of ambition. It’s a nervous system in overdrive.

When someone has lived in a state of chronic stress or emotional manipulation, their body becomes conditioned to stay alert. This constant state of hypervigilance can lead to shutdown, where the brain and body resist action as a form of self-preservation.

3. Isolation: Avoiding People to Feel Safe - Survivors often withdraw from social interactions. This isn’t because they dislike people—it’s because connection once meant control, not safety. Narcissistic abuse often involves emotional manipulation disguised as affection. Over time, survivors learn to associate closeness with danger. Isolation becomes a way to reclaim autonomy and avoid further harm.

4. Endless Scrolling, No Action - Mindless scrolling through social media or binge-watching shows can be a form of escape. For many survivors, rest was never truly restful—it was a brief pause between episodes of chaos. This behaviour isn’t about laziness. It’s about seeking a sense of calm in a world that once felt unpredictable and unsafe. The inability to start something new is not a lack of willpower—it’s a nervous system still learning how to feel safe.

5. Sleep Disruptions: Too Much or Too Little - Trauma affects sleep in profound ways. Some survivors sleep excessively as a way to escape reality. Others struggle with insomnia, their minds racing with anxiety and fear. Both responses are valid. They reflect a body that is either shutting down or staying on high alert. Sleep patterns are not just habits—they are reflections of internal safety.

6. Big Dreams, No Energy - Many survivors have powerful visions for their future. They want to write books, start businesses, or change the world. But they often feel too drained to take the first step. This isn’t a lack of drive—it’s the aftermath of emotional depletion. Narcissistic abuse erodes confidence and self-worth. Rebuilding that foundation takes time, patience, and support.

7. Difficulty Focusing - Concentration becomes a challenge when the brain has been wired for survival. Instead of focusing on creativity or productivity, the mind is constantly scanning for threats—real or imagined. This hypervigilance makes it hard to stay present. It’s not that survivors don’t care—it’s that their brains are still healing from prolonged emotional stress.

8. Guilt for Resting - Perhaps the most heartbreaking sign is the guilt that comes with rest. Survivors often internalize the belief that their worth is tied to performance. They were only praised when they were achieving, producing, or pleasing others. So when they finally allow themselves to rest, they feel guilty. They question their right to pause. But rest is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. And healing means learning to rest without shame.

Lessons to Learn

Maryben’s reflection offers several vital lessons for survivors, supporters, and leaders alike:

1. Trauma Is Not Always Visible - Just because someone looks “fine” doesn’t mean they are. Be gentle with others—and with yourself.
2. Healing Takes Time - Recovery from narcissistic abuse is not a straight path. It involves unlearning, relearning, and rebuilding. Progress may be slow, but it is still progress.
3. Compassion Is More Powerful Than Criticism - Judging someone’s behaviour without understanding their story only deepens their wounds. Choose empathy over assumptions.
4. Rest Is Productive - Rest is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of healing. Survivors need space to breathe, reflect, and restore.
5. You Are Not Alone - Many people are navigating similar journeys. There is strength in community, and there is hope in healing.

Reflection

Ambassador Maryben Omollo’s message is a powerful reminder that what we often label as laziness may, in fact, be the visible symptoms of invisible wounds. Survivors of narcissistic abuse are not failing—they are healing. They are not weak—they are learning to feel safe again. In a world that demands constant output, Maryben invites us to pause. To look deeper. To offer grace. Her words remind us that healing is not about speed—it’s about safety. It’s about creating environments where people can rest without guilt, dream without fear, and grow without pressure. So if you find yourself procrastinating, isolating, or struggling to focus—know this: you are not lazy. You are healing. And that is the bravest work of all.