Why I Shaved My Head

Ever since I was a little child, there was a huge emphasis on having long hair. I used to crave haircuts and would imagine myself going to parlors and getting different styles. Since it wasn’t allowed, I would make braids and cut them. Even though the hair wouldn’t be in order, I simply loved doing something for myself. I finally got my first haircut when I was in 12th grade. Anyway, I too loved my long hair. But the fascination with short hair dawned on me after my divorce, and when most people praised my long, beautiful hair, I would feel like chopping it off, and so I did.

About five years ago, I met a monk during a Vipassana course, and after the course, we went out for chai. I was so fascinated by her shaved head that I decided I would do it one day. I asked her so many questions — how she decided to get it done, what people’s and her family’s reactions were, and how she felt, etc. For years it stayed in my mind, but I never had the courage to actually do it. Then, a couple of months ago during the psychotherapy course I’m doing, I met another wonderful woman who shared her story about shaving her head, and I felt encouraged to do it too. Gradually, I also began finding my hair too much work — oiling, shampooing, getting it trimmed. So one day, I decided to just go for it. I figured out how I would get it done, went to a local barber, and got it done for ₹60.

How do I feel? Why did I do it? And was it really so romantic or courageous?
Honestly, it feels so freeing to have a head without hair, it’s one thing less to worry about now.

What’s been interesting are the reactions I received from people. Most of them, including the barber, were very upset while doing it and kept asking why I would do such a thing. But there were also many who said, “You look like a monk,” or “You look cute,” etc.

Do I feel like a monk? No, I don’t, if being a monk means being calm and patient, I certainly don’t.

We all have our own notions of beauty, and having beautiful hair is often seen as something that adds to one’s beauty. Sometimes, because of such superficial things, one is not touched by real beauty; one doesn’t see the real beauty. Some of my close friends have shared how bothered they feel by society judging them, looking at them in a certain way, or expecting them to fit certain standards. And when they don’t, people say things that can stay with you forever.

Anything new or different is seen as weird, but why?
Who defined these standards of beauty?
Why does one have to fit into them?

I wanted to see how I would feel without these notions of beauty — would it be too difficult to survive without them?

The whole journey of me deciding to do it, and ever since I have done it, has made me think and feel more about the idea of beauty. What I discovered and told myself was that I won’t be hard on myself trying to prove something to me. I will accept whatever I feel and give space for that feeling. So, for instance, while my head was being shaved, I paused to take in the change, and in the initial few days, I wasn’t sure and would wear a bandana, afraid of people’s reactions. But then slowly, I experimented — after two or three days, at the mall, in the open market, and at my workplace.

So yes, this is a journey for me, and I am only two weeks into it. I look forward to learning more!

One of the other reasons for doing it is to save money on shampoo, coloring, etc., which I’m now spending on something more important. I’m not joking!