“Women are bad at empathy”, no, we’re sick of catering to sexist men

“tl;dr: Women are very sympathetic, and can put themselves in another's shoes far better than most men can. But as an ironic side effect of this, they have great difficulty understanding someone who different than them or reacts differently to situations than they would.

A view I've had for a while, and after enough positive feedback from female friends on the general argument (and their agreement that 'most won't agree with this unless you explain it') I think it's time to take it here.

It is the general view of society that women are "empathic". It's a feminine trait. Their nurturing, caring, etc. They must be empathic.

I disagree, but understand where the confusion comes from.

Women are "sympathetic" due to being generally in touch with their OWN emotions. Now this is a merit in it's own right, but it is NOT the same thing as "empathy."

A small, but relative, sidetrack. There is something called the Greater Male Variance hypothesis. It's an issue of animal biology and evolution, not something specific to Human Males. At request I could explain in more detail, but for relevant and tl;dr purposes it can be summed up as "The average man is less like any other random man than an average female is like any other random female." Women are more 'alike' each other than men are. Again, this is a general biology thing, but among it translates heavily into behavior.

So as I said, women tend to be more in touch with their own emotions than most men are, and this alone is a trait of merit. Since they're in touch with their own emotions, and since most women are 'more alike' to them than not, they are VERY good at putting themselves in another's shoes.

-Woman 1 explains an issue causing her grief.

-Woman 2 reflexively thinks "If that happened to me, I would be sad."

-Woman 2 understands that Woman 1 is sad, and can offer the comfort she would want in such a situation.

THAT... is sympathy. Not empathy.

Sympathy is the first step of empathy. "How would I feel if that happened to me." The second step is what distinguishes the two. The understanding that "not everyone would feel the way I do if put in the same situation."

This isn't JUST an issue of men and women not understanding each other, but it is the easiest example to use, so:

-Man is upset about something. Woman queries what is bothering him.

-Man explains the issue causing him grief.

-Woman reflexively thinks, "If that happened to me... I wouldn't be upset. Why is HE upset?"

-Woman reflexively draws conclusion the fault must be in the second party.

This works as well for issues of explaining a situation and not understanding why the second party doesn't reflexively know why YOU'RE upset.

The issue is compounded a bit because most women have had enough times of validation in their expression of sympathy. Generally understanding why their fellow women are sad, angry, happy, bewildered, etc due to a situation (and usually understanding why immediately and reflexively) leads them to thinking "I am empathic." So then when they come across someone they DON'T understand, most have no reason to think the problem isn't the second party and not their lack of understanding of said second party.

And since it obviously merits mentioning, this is a generalization. There are plenty of women who ARE empathic as well as sympathetic. If someone is upset (or 'feeling' anything, there are more emotions than being upset about something, one could be sympathetic or empathic as to why someone is happy even if THEY wouldn't be) they can glean why in cases where they wouldn't feel the same. "Oh he/she is so giddy over [thing important to them]. I don't know what they see in [thing] but oh well. It makes them happy." And all the same there are plenty of men that are sympathetic and/or empathic. "Most men are not in touch with their own feelings," broad generalization, obviously not true to all.

But the end statement really is: A lot of women are ironically less empathic than men, because they've gradually confused sympathy for empathy, leading them to be LESS empathic in cases where someone is wired differently than they are.”

“Many women are like hey men show your emotions, then you show that you are insecure but they reject u, i have even been dumped just after the date started, i mean i met last month a girl and she told me that her mom just called her (her phone didn't even ring lol) and told her that something happen to her grandma, she was not from my country so we talked in English and she was able to invent some lie, i tried to believe her but the phone scene seemed too fake and she told me she would text me but she didn't, i am tired yes i am depressed and insecure but i would risk my life for my gf i just wanted love, it hurts it hurts to have the sane routine each day, sorry guys sometimes i need to vent, i really hate feeling the useless piece of shit i usually feel like”

”This is going to make a lot of people mad but it's true.

You can be upset about it but just look at the number of men who say this exact same thing. It's easy to dismiss one guy as a loser or a hundred or even a thousand but there are millions of men who feel the same way as the OP does.

You're right. There's a problem here and men shouldn't be vilified for calling it out.”

“If noticed it's of ok for women to hit guys in high school our in general public, when a man is molested our touch inappropriately most women brush it of and laugh saying it's different because your a guy.

So with all this minimizing of guy problems and the lack of government support that women get freely I find my self less empathetic to words women.

Empathy is a two way street”

”Since my teenage years, I've really desired a partner who could be there for me and experience everything a relationship has to offer. However, due to social and physical issues, it seems like that isn't going to happen. Some men understand my situation and feel bad for me. However, with almost all women, they do not and refuse to try to sympathize/empathize with my situation. It seems to always boil down to a combination of these three points -

I shouldn't want a partner (Thanks, I'm cured!)

It isn't a big deal (Lack of empathy)

I deserve it (Lack of sympathy)

Since I think sympathy and empathy are required to be a good person, I've developed a negative perception of women (and most people) over time. As Florence Nightingale put it, they want to be cared for, but don't want to care.”

”Take your average lonely guy. He has to turn to the Manosphere because women mock him if he says he's lonely, or at best want him to shut up and go away. He certainly would never be able to get help from a woman, especially not in helping him find that special someone.

Women outright mock short men.

Statistics show that women don't date jobless men but men don't mind dating jobless women

PPD has shown countless times that women are sick and tired of hearing men complain about how bad the dating scene is, going so far as to say men should be made to suffer and play the Hunger Games "for the good of the species."

Other areas women lack sympathy for men that aren't related to dating include domestic violence, homelessness, male rape victims, and so on.

A lot of misogyny comes from this utter disdain for low SMV men and the judging of men's worth in life by their socioeconomic status. It is also the source of a lot of the Toxic Masculinity myth: men respond to this disregard for their humanity and total nonexistence of sympathy by saying fuck this world and fuck women too and the ones hit hardest by this lack of sympathy tend to lash out in many various ways.”

”I hate women and have no empathy for them, is this normal?

Yeah. Its 2023 and i'm tired of seeing women tallk about their challenges in dating as if they are not extremely privileged on this subject.

Tired of seeing double standards, like how it's socially acceptable for women to mock men's looks and when men do it they're assholes.

Just look here in Quora, i just saw a post of a girl saying she despises “ugly men who think they'll ever have a chance with her". And the comments didn't do what they needed to do: call her out on her entitlement and shallowness.

Not even saying men don't horrible stuff. Of course we do But I think there are gender problems with women too, and people don't want to talk about them.”

“It’s just that women don’t have empathy for men. They reserve their empathy for other women and for children.

For example, women have people, both men and women, to have compassion and sympathy for them whenever they are going through something, but whenever it is said that men don’t have anyone, their go to response is to ask why can’t men help each other out. Because you know, they can’t be bothered to be concerned with silly things like that…

Then there is the body positivity movement about how women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, which is all well and good. I’m all for it! But then, when you talk about the body shaming of short men, for example, crickets. In fact, I even had a chick on my Facebook page say some crazy shit about how that’s different or that it’s not the same. So it seems that the truth of the matter is that they aren’t going to cape for short men and their hurt feelings because, apparently, people have the stupid idea that men can’t have hurt feelings and insecurities (or aren’t supposed to). Or it may just be that they simply don’t give a damn. You know, that whole lack of empathy for men thing again. It may also be that they have an underlying hatred for men in general.

I DIDN’T MAKE THIS IMAGE. ASIDE FROM USING A BLACK GIRL, IT MAKES A VALID POINT

There there is the female infidelity thing.

Women’s infidelity (cheating) is worse, yet women justify it all the time

medium.com

You might be amazed at how a lot of women subconsciously justify women cheating on men by saying that…“

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1csmbxe/can_women_feel_true_empathy_for_men/#:~:text=I've%20had%20women%20feel,you%20describe%20what%20they%20did?

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e9fkdu/why_do_womens_empathy_disappear_when_it_comes_to/

It’s funny how men will complain about women having no “empathy” for them yet they’ll spout out this misogynistic shit then go on to complain about how all us women ever do is complain and have “double standards”.

The majority of men’s problems are caused by other men yet they fail to hold themselves responsible for their own actions, all while blaming women, claiming all women are evil, and selfish, etc.

Most men (particularly the sexist ones) have never had empathy for women in the first place, so it’s hypocritical of them to complain about women not empathizing with them about their problems meanwhile they get to talk shit about women and victim blame us.

Fuck them.