ZIMBABWE: I’m Breaking Generational Burdens and Redefining Strength for Women

Sympathy Sibanda helps women and girls unlearn traditional definitions of strength and turn to self-care through writing therapy and storytelling.

It's time we stop feeling guilty about not having it all together, to realize that our mental wellness matters, and to cut ties with any generational toxicity.

I come from a country that taught me the term musha mukadzi, which means women are in charge. At face value, this sounds dope. However, in actual practice, it is not to say women are bestowed with matriarchal power in households. It means women have the burden of being strong, tolerating a lot, and rising like a phoenix, putting everyone else before themselves. On paper, it sounds like a royal scepter, but in reality, it has for generations left women wallowing in depression – but for the sake of their homes to stand, they continue being strong.

For me, the biggest problem isn't just that older women are taught to be strong amid domestic violence, cheating, and a lack of resources while continuing to hold the house together in silence. For me, the ick is that young girls are taught to have this strength as young as they can utter a word. Girls receive the generational burden of musha mukadzi. 

Given this background, there is no room for mental health considerations. There is no space to break down and feel things – remember, you must be strong! If you are seen crumbling, then you are not womanly enough. You are just an impostor. How will you even face childbirth? I remember having my wisdom tooth pulled out and being encouraged not to cry because childbirth would be worse. I held it all in. I wanted to be woman enough.

The Women Writers Support Network-Africa(WWSN-A) initiative I created is a writing therapy and networking organization that brings together women of all ages to breathe, share experiences, and, just for that while, realize that they don't always have to uphold musha mukadzi.

Girls are told to share their feelings at a particular time using illustrations or words. From such exercises, we have unearthed shocking stories of abuse and acute depression that were going unnoticed at school, home, or society in general. This tool encourages girls to realize that the most important person is THEMSELVES before anyone else. It teaches them to identify toxic behaviors and relinquish the need to be a musha mukadzi kind of girl.

As an initiative for all ages, we also prompt mothers to go on a self-healing journey using the same tools of storytelling, writing therapy, and conversations to stop toxic generational behaviors. This helps them avoid putting the same burden on their young girls to carry into the future.

It's time we stop feeling guilty about not having it all together, to realize that our mental wellness matters, and to cut ties with generational toxicity. Musha mukadzi isn't a derogatory term, but some of its tenets have been abused. I still stand proudly as a homemaker but on my terms. I don't tolerate abuse, I don't always have my ducks in a row, and most of all, I don’t feel any competition with fellow women but instead foster sisterhood. I want every Zimbabwean girl, every African girl, to remember this.

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